So it's been awhile since I've been on here & I see that there has been some good things and not so good things happening. Congratulations for all of you that are newly preggers and yay for the ones that have seen their babies continue to grow. I'm so sorry for the ones who are suffering. I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better but considering that I'm still trying to figure that out myself all I can offer is my condolences and I hope that your time will come too where you can announce the great BFP on here!
As for me I am trying to live my life the best way I can...Sometimes my husband and I both will sit back sometimes and we still can't believe that month literally came and gone now we are left with no baby and a loan that we are stuck paying for and other times we try to forget it like it was a bad dream and there is still hope for us to have our own little one. My birthday was a few weeks ago and it was more emotional that it should have been but that was because that was the week we were supposed to do the transfer. Then the panic sets in I'm getting older, if my eggs are already failing how are they going to be in a few years? I understand to most people I am still young but in fertility world I'm getting old! I hate looking at it that way but you almost have to when you have IF issues. I will admit some days are easier than others, those are the days that I try not to lose hope and still hold on but then reality hits and then you can't help but get emotional and depressed. Plus when you see all your friends having babies or when you see pictures of their baby bumps. I will always be happy for them but I will always be envious as well. Right now, I'm waiting for my AF which I am now 12 days late, no I am not the miracle woman who gets a natural pregnancy after a failed IVF. Trust me, that thought definitely crossed my mind a couple of times until I took a HPT this morning and I got BFN. Of course, a part of me knew that I wasn't but I can't help but thinking/hoping that I was the small percentage of women. It's almost like your body is playing a big joke with you. The doc tells you that it's a very small percentage that you can have a baby with your eggs and now I am later than I have ever been in my life, only not to be pregnant. Can I just say IF really blows a big one!
Sorry for the rambling but I guess that's what happens when you haven't been on for awhile. BTW, thank you to those who have checked in on me. I truly appreciate it!
As for me I am trying to live my life the best way I can...Sometimes my husband and I both will sit back sometimes and we still can't believe that month literally came and gone now we are left with no baby and a loan that we are stuck paying for and other times we try to forget it like it was a bad dream and there is still hope for us to have our own little one. My birthday was a few weeks ago and it was more emotional that it should have been but that was because that was the week we were supposed to do the transfer. Then the panic sets in I'm getting older, if my eggs are already failing how are they going to be in a few years? I understand to most people I am still young but in fertility world I'm getting old! I hate looking at it that way but you almost have to when you have IF issues. I will admit some days are easier than others, those are the days that I try not to lose hope and still hold on but then reality hits and then you can't help but get emotional and depressed. Plus when you see all your friends having babies or when you see pictures of their baby bumps. I will always be happy for them but I will always be envious as well. Right now, I'm waiting for my AF which I am now 12 days late, no I am not the miracle woman who gets a natural pregnancy after a failed IVF. Trust me, that thought definitely crossed my mind a couple of times until I took a HPT this morning and I got BFN. Of course, a part of me knew that I wasn't but I can't help but thinking/hoping that I was the small percentage of women. It's almost like your body is playing a big joke with you. The doc tells you that it's a very small percentage that you can have a baby with your eggs and now I am later than I have ever been in my life, only not to be pregnant. Can I just say IF really blows a big one!
Sorry for the rambling but I guess that's what happens when you haven't been on for awhile. BTW, thank you to those who have checked in on me. I truly appreciate it!
Replies
Hi friend! So nice to read an update from you. You have such a great outlook. I hope that you had a good birthday. I know how hard birthdays are with IF, especially when you should have been transferring. Age does not always matter, especially when we know what\'s going on with our eggs. I wish they were doing better and I wish you never had to deal with IF. You are still worth celebrating, so happy belated birthday!
Sorry you have to deal with friends having babies. Part of what makes it so hard is that you can\'t just be genuinely happy for them because of your own pain. I\'m sorry your period is late too. AF is an asshole. Always showing up when she wants, and being late really tugs on your heart strings.
What are your next steps? Are you just taking time now and taking a break? Or looking at other options? Whatever your path is, I wish you so much luck and success. I think of you always and am always sending love!
*HUG* It\'s so good to hear from you, friend! I know how hard it is to try to live a normal life when you\'re going through IF, and although there are days when you wish you could Rip Van Winkle it, I hope you have fewer of those days and more \"normal\" days. I\'ve been thinking of you and praying for you! Keep us posted with what\'s going on so we can be your biggest cheerleaders :)
Thank you ladies! Honestly, I have no plan yet! I think that\'s why I have my moments of what the hell is next. I always have some kind of plan but now it\'s kind of like being a free spirit. When I was younger, this would have been easy but as an adult, not so much!
I know that there is a chance that not ALL my eggs are bad but there really isn\'t a way to know for sure. So I am really try to continue wrap my brain around using a donor egg. I know that we can\'t do that financially for at least a couple of years. I mean $20k is A LOT of money! But I guess that\'ll give me enough time to get used to the idea. I think it\'s hard because you can\'t help but hope that you\'ll be that miracle woman that gets knocked up on a whim. The doctor stated that it is most likely genetic which I was dumbfounded by because my mom didn\'t have a problem conceiving me but the more my mom and I talked about it, it is highly likely that it is true. My mom and my grandma both had their kids at 19 to 21, my great aunt was never able to have children and my great grandma didn\'t get pregnant until 14 yrs later after she had my great aunt, so I apparently I should\'ve started trying to get pregnant at 19 and I would\'ve had better results!
Thank you again ladies for all your support. :-)