day one
First day on here. Looking forward to read what others have to say. Upped my wellbutrin from 150 to 300 yesterday. Have tried this before but it screwed up my sleep. Have been taking 30 mg remeron at night to help with the sleep. Seems to be working at the 150 mg level of wellbutrin, will see if it continues to work at the 300 level. The remeron makes me so fat. Have gone from 180 when first starting and now at 220, really hate this stuff. Tried going off of all of it and quickly fell back into the deep dark abyss. Felt like death was the best way out of it. Finally went back to the p-doc and got back on the remeron and ultimately back on the to the wellbutrin.
Replies
Parents arrived here yesterday. I stopped by to see them at the house. I did not want to go over there at all but feel obligated to do so. They are both getting up in years. Mom is not looking to good, she is just getting over pneumonia. I feel so very tired today. A full week away before I find get word on my test results. Getting very nervous on what the findings will be.
Feeling anxious and overwhelmed today. Have a ton of work that has to get done today but all I want to do is go back to bed. I am so tired right now and I have no ambition and feel myself slipping into a very dark day.
Had some medical tests done 10 days ago and am totally stressed abut the results. Go back to the doctor this Thursday to get the results. As usual I am expecting the worst.
Too much going on in my life right now. Getting so tired and just want to go back to bed but have to keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and go through the motions.
Have suffered all my life with social anxiety. 58 years old and can\'t hold a simple conversation outside of a work situation. Do OK at work as long as I am talking on a topic that I know very well. Put me outside of those boundries and I freeze up, stutter and then go in to panic mode. I was in a long term marriage that I was not at all happy in and finally got the courage to leave. Although I was not happy in the marriage it did provide some level of interaction with the family and other people. Since leaving the marriage I have been so very much alone. Have tried to join meetups to find activities where I can interact with people but most often I can\'t get the courage up to even show up for the meetup. When I do go I am in complete panic and want to run away. If I am lucky I can last about ten or twenty minutes.
Drove to Palm Springs this morning to meet with a coworker to pick up some equipment that needs to be returned to work tomorrow. Felt good to be on the road. Been a long time since I took a road trip and this morning sort of whet my apatite to plan a trip. Work is really busy right now but I would love to find the time to take a trip again. Would love to see the redwood trees in northern CA.
Feeling overwhelmed today. Too many things to do. Too many people wanting/needing things from me. Feeling trapped. Want to go back to bed and sleep and hide.
Going to see my kids and grandkids this afternoon for Father\'s day. My ex has a pool at the house and the kids wanted a pool party so will be going there this afternoon. Only time I see my ex is on holidays, b-days or special occasions like this. As much as I want to seem the kids and grandkids I wish I could just bow out of the day. As time goes on I more and more hate being around my ex.