today

Rough 24 hours emotionally. Carring the burden of my lies with me and the hurt I have caused. It is amazing how something so tiny has such huge consequences. It is not the little lie, it is the break down of trust. The breakdown when looking another directly in the eyes. How can you ever be legitimate again. I cannot change the past. icannot change the past . I cannot change the past. I can live for the future. Today I said goodbye to Bret. He will die in the next few days. He has never complained or whined throughout his illness and has only been greatful and full of gratitude. I will ask his spirit to guide me. I have asked my spirits to take control of what I have not been able to. I need to let go of what I do not need. I truly want to become wholehearted. I need to let go of perfectionism, excessive work, control, and work to find spirituality. I have taken up the wolf as my totem. I hope I can incorporate these qualities.