I couldn't sleep last night, my mind won't shut off. I'm reliving the last months of my husband's life.
I called 911 on April 4th, 2014 when my husband slumped over and was nonresponsive. He spent 89 days in the hospital, rehab center, back to the hospital, back to the rehab, back to the hospital, and then to a hospice center.
He saw many, many specialists, he had so many MRIs, cat scans, x-rays, endoscopies, colonoscopies, blood tests, etc. He was on a cardiac monitor and oxygen and I.V.s.
The cardiologists couldn't find an answer. They were going to put in a defibrillator, but he got a staph infection and then MRSA, so they couldn't do it. He had to have 4 weeks of I.V. antibiotics due to the MRSA.
We knew he had congestive heart failure, but then he developed kidney failure. The doctors told him the only solution was dialysis. At that point my husband said ENOUGH. He made the decision to stop all aggressive treatment. He signed the advance directive. I asked him a million times if he was sure, and a million times he answered yes. In his wisdom and with much thought and prayer, he made the decision to stop treatment and end his suffering. To die on his own terms was a brave decision.
I was torn. I hated seeing him bedridden and suffering, but with no hope of ever walking out of the hospital, I understood. We were married for 34 years, and together for 37. I was with him over half of my life, HE WAS MY LIFE.
He was in the hospice center for a week. The entire time he kept saying he wanted to go home. I wanted him home. On July 2nd a hospital bed, oxygen, and other medical supplies were delivered. An ambulance brought him home. He was so happy to finally be home after 3 months. He had dinner and the hospice nurse came by to check on him.
The following days he slept a lot and had no appetite. As the days went on he was awake less and less. The hospice aides and nurses came daily to help me bathe him, and to check his condition.
In the early morning hours of July 9th my dear husband passed away peacefully in his sleep.
I am very grateful that I was able to spend the last 96 days of his life at his side. We had time to talk about our life together, to say "I love you" over and over, and to discuss important issues.
Our family and friends had time to visit and say their goodbyes.
My husband had confession, communion and the last rites, which was very important to him.
So, although my heart is broken, I am so thankful that I was with him, and I was able to be his caretaker.
I told him over and over that my heart was going with him, and that I would always love him.
I miss him so much.
I called 911 on April 4th, 2014 when my husband slumped over and was nonresponsive. He spent 89 days in the hospital, rehab center, back to the hospital, back to the rehab, back to the hospital, and then to a hospice center.
He saw many, many specialists, he had so many MRIs, cat scans, x-rays, endoscopies, colonoscopies, blood tests, etc. He was on a cardiac monitor and oxygen and I.V.s.
The cardiologists couldn't find an answer. They were going to put in a defibrillator, but he got a staph infection and then MRSA, so they couldn't do it. He had to have 4 weeks of I.V. antibiotics due to the MRSA.
We knew he had congestive heart failure, but then he developed kidney failure. The doctors told him the only solution was dialysis. At that point my husband said ENOUGH. He made the decision to stop all aggressive treatment. He signed the advance directive. I asked him a million times if he was sure, and a million times he answered yes. In his wisdom and with much thought and prayer, he made the decision to stop treatment and end his suffering. To die on his own terms was a brave decision.
I was torn. I hated seeing him bedridden and suffering, but with no hope of ever walking out of the hospital, I understood. We were married for 34 years, and together for 37. I was with him over half of my life, HE WAS MY LIFE.
He was in the hospice center for a week. The entire time he kept saying he wanted to go home. I wanted him home. On July 2nd a hospital bed, oxygen, and other medical supplies were delivered. An ambulance brought him home. He was so happy to finally be home after 3 months. He had dinner and the hospice nurse came by to check on him.
The following days he slept a lot and had no appetite. As the days went on he was awake less and less. The hospice aides and nurses came daily to help me bathe him, and to check his condition.
In the early morning hours of July 9th my dear husband passed away peacefully in his sleep.
I am very grateful that I was able to spend the last 96 days of his life at his side. We had time to talk about our life together, to say "I love you" over and over, and to discuss important issues.
Our family and friends had time to visit and say their goodbyes.
My husband had confession, communion and the last rites, which was very important to him.
So, although my heart is broken, I am so thankful that I was with him, and I was able to be his caretaker.
I told him over and over that my heart was going with him, and that I would always love him.
I miss him so much.
Replies
Heart wrenching . . . literally. I completely can relate to your story, although my Jim and I weren\'t married very long. We were still in our Honeymoon phase with so many dreams and bucket list items to be checked off. I can honestly say that I wouldn\'t trade my little bit of time with him for anything in the world. I saw him through his six months of life slipping by daily. These were not easy times, but he wasn\'t alone. I often think had we not married . . . he would have died alone, as there was no family around . . not even when he became ill . . . not on his death bed. They simply didn\'t come. Very sad. Being a constant 24/7 caregiver (with exception of his two extended hospital stays) was an extreme burnout as well. I was already \"tired and grieving\" before he even passed. I\'m sure you felt much the same way. Jim also and a DNR and I know that it was the right thing for him. He would not have wanted to live being half alive, half alert, half the man he was. Being by his side when he took his last breath was surreal. It was peaceful in many ways. I had days to talk to him, although he was in a coma, about letting go and that I\'d be okay. To go home, toward the light. I encouraged him, loved him, wiped his brow, held his hand, cried on his chest, crawled half in bed with him in hospital ICU. I think we were both truly blessed to have been by our hubbies side. Some people don\'t even have that chance for \"good-byes\" as death can take them tragically sudden. We must hold onto the gifts we are given, the good memories. As I\'ve said before . . . many have travailed the path before us and many will behind us. We will overcome (never forget), but eventually move on with living our life as we are still here for a reason. Big hug to you girlfriend. God bless and hang in there.
Thank you so much for your comforting words. I agree that we were blessed to be with our husband\'s during their illness.
Many on this site lost their husbands unexpectedly, and I can\'t even imagine that kind of grief.
Hugs,
Janie
I also was blessed to have the opportunity to share my husband\'s last days with him. He was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in the final stage. There was no hope of recovery and he decided not to take treatment, but to return home with hospice support.
In the ten weeks we shared meals over his bedside table and much laughter and tears. I will say that they are treasured moments that I will always remember. He died peacefully with his children, brother, our best friend, and I at his bedside. Since I worked at a hospital emergency department I felt I could give him the gift of being home to the end. He was 60 years old at the time of his death. Much too soon and too many plans not completed. But blessed with a 40 year marriage and a beautiful family filled with love. Sharon
Janie,
I am so sorry you are reliving your nightmare again. It must have been horrible the first time, but to have to think through that time again is so hurtful. I lost my dear husband of 35 years suddenly. I thought when he went to the ER he would be coming home, but God had other plans that day. 2 hrs later he was gone, No time to say goodbye, or I love you one last time. At 86 days the pain of that day re plays often, but I try to think of something else to replace those thoughts as they are too painful. I am grateful he didn\'t have to endure a long illness as he would not have handled that well, but I have trouble processing how quickly he was gone from my life. It hurts more than words can express, but everyone here has unbelievable pain to endure each day so try to remember the good times which it sounds like you had many of. You will get through this and find a purpose for still being here. I will pray for you. God Bless and help you.
Amazing how we all live different lives but they\'re all so similar! Your story brought tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart.
Watching someone you love so unconditionally and deeply die the way our mates died is sometimes too much to bear!
Life will not spare us from it\'s pain we must insist that peace bloom within us!
Much Love,
Roz