Day 2
Why do I lie to Brian...
So I don't get the look of disappointment when I tell him bad things.
I'd rather not deal with something at that point in time.
To sugar coat a situation.
To make myself feel better about myself.
Why do I not feel bad about things I do...
Not sure. Lack of empathy and sympathy for others. Why no sympathy? Especially for the ones that I love?
I think I have a real problem feeling emotions. Brian has always said so.
Why am I do mad at the world right now. I am the one that has done wrong.
Brian is complaining that I am not being more affectionate right now. "Shouldn't someone in my position vie for affection?" No fuck no. I am in a downward spiral of self loathing. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. Next step is to crawl my way up and out of this hole and make me better.
Time... it's going to take time. One day at a time. Don't lie and be a good wife and mother.
Take a breath. Get some help. Get control of myself. Take a breath. Patience. Patience. Get a hold of yourself. Stop taking what you have done wrong out on everyone that loves you.
Please for the love of god think and take a breath.
Get some fucking help.
To whom do I need to prove that I don't lie anymore. Myself and Brian. Who is more important?
The ultimate out come is that I no longer lie. But why? It wrong and not an honest way to live.
I really hate how Brian is always right about me. I hate how he is just a better person than I am. Why am I so horrible.
So I don't get the look of disappointment when I tell him bad things.
I'd rather not deal with something at that point in time.
To sugar coat a situation.
To make myself feel better about myself.
Why do I not feel bad about things I do...
Not sure. Lack of empathy and sympathy for others. Why no sympathy? Especially for the ones that I love?
I think I have a real problem feeling emotions. Brian has always said so.
Why am I do mad at the world right now. I am the one that has done wrong.
Brian is complaining that I am not being more affectionate right now. "Shouldn't someone in my position vie for affection?" No fuck no. I am in a downward spiral of self loathing. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. Next step is to crawl my way up and out of this hole and make me better.
Time... it's going to take time. One day at a time. Don't lie and be a good wife and mother.
Take a breath. Get some help. Get control of myself. Take a breath. Patience. Patience. Get a hold of yourself. Stop taking what you have done wrong out on everyone that loves you.
Please for the love of god think and take a breath.
Get some fucking help.
To whom do I need to prove that I don't lie anymore. Myself and Brian. Who is more important?
The ultimate out come is that I no longer lie. But why? It wrong and not an honest way to live.
I really hate how Brian is always right about me. I hate how he is just a better person than I am. Why am I so horrible.
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