I know it is absurd feeling like this and I always get down whenever I see him or hear about him. so why do I keep wanting it? trust your feelings S. trust what you feel. if it was good you would feel good. not like shut. I mean, who is he to make me feel like this? is he a God? was he that caring? no! keep you head up little su. I'm here for you. don't back down not now. you are so much stronger than you know. you need to finish your career. you need to thrive and be strong. you are song. you are good and you are powerful and you can. I promise you that you really can. even if there are dark times when all you want is to go under your blanket and disappear. you won't do that because life goes on. even when you're not participating in it. so go ahead. go participate go be.