I feel sad.
I feel sad at myself and I'm afraid I won't feel like I'm loved. That I won't feel that conection again. I feel sad because sadness fills me whenever I think about you. Do you think that one could get addicted to it? to feel down? Sometimes I'm doing random things and then a thought of you. It's been 52 days.. it took more or less 2 months to fall in love with you.. so maybe it will take 2 months to fall out of love? I just have to endure and be strong. And mantain my position of not contacting you!
You made tattoo... lol the girl that made it sent me a pic(yep, i know her). I was supposed to go with you to make that. Even though I didn't agree, I love you so I would support you. You took your friends instead.
Its not us in the world. we are not a team anymore. Today a friend told me to send you a text. That I look sad day after day so I might as well talk to you. She said what this bad voice in my head has said to me over and over. But it's been 52 days. And you got my number. You told me to not talk to you and I'm doing it, just as you wished. Now I'm not doing it only because you wished it. I'm doing it because I wish it. I want it and I'm growing out of this toxic unhealthy thing. Was I perfect? NO. I've made you suffer as well but I've never lied to you. And you did. When you told me you would try and you changed your mind over and over again. You have no space in your life for me. So I don't have any time in my life for your selfishness.
I've sent happy bday to your little sister through your dad. I think it was the best way to do it, without your interferance. He told me he was happy i remembered and hoped i was okay, sent me a kiss from them all... Damn, I love his family :p
So what do I do to myself? When I just feel like go to your house and kiss the hell out of you.
I take a deep breath (more like 3) and remember how much love i've got around me. It's not your love, but it's the love of whom I don't have to beg to stay. They stay because I am enough.
I am enough.I'm good, I'm kind, I'm smart. I am enough for me and enough to be loved.
I'll only be with someone else when he makes me feel like I'm more than enough, when I see in him the same determination in making me stay.
So, Thank you Universe for rearranging things so I can be my happiest self. And no. I won't text him because that would make him right. He thinks I can't live without him, that he's superspecial and I'm miserable without him. Well, I am (lol) but I will cease to be.
I feel sad at myself and I'm afraid I won't feel like I'm loved. That I won't feel that conection again. I feel sad because sadness fills me whenever I think about you. Do you think that one could get addicted to it? to feel down? Sometimes I'm doing random things and then a thought of you. It's been 52 days.. it took more or less 2 months to fall in love with you.. so maybe it will take 2 months to fall out of love? I just have to endure and be strong. And mantain my position of not contacting you!
You made tattoo... lol the girl that made it sent me a pic(yep, i know her). I was supposed to go with you to make that. Even though I didn't agree, I love you so I would support you. You took your friends instead.
Its not us in the world. we are not a team anymore. Today a friend told me to send you a text. That I look sad day after day so I might as well talk to you. She said what this bad voice in my head has said to me over and over. But it's been 52 days. And you got my number. You told me to not talk to you and I'm doing it, just as you wished. Now I'm not doing it only because you wished it. I'm doing it because I wish it. I want it and I'm growing out of this toxic unhealthy thing. Was I perfect? NO. I've made you suffer as well but I've never lied to you. And you did. When you told me you would try and you changed your mind over and over again. You have no space in your life for me. So I don't have any time in my life for your selfishness.
I've sent happy bday to your little sister through your dad. I think it was the best way to do it, without your interferance. He told me he was happy i remembered and hoped i was okay, sent me a kiss from them all... Damn, I love his family :p
So what do I do to myself? When I just feel like go to your house and kiss the hell out of you.
I take a deep breath (more like 3) and remember how much love i've got around me. It's not your love, but it's the love of whom I don't have to beg to stay. They stay because I am enough.
I am enough.I'm good, I'm kind, I'm smart. I am enough for me and enough to be loved.
I'll only be with someone else when he makes me feel like I'm more than enough, when I see in him the same determination in making me stay.
So, Thank you Universe for rearranging things so I can be my happiest self. And no. I won't text him because that would make him right. He thinks I can't live without him, that he's superspecial and I'm miserable without him. Well, I am (lol) but I will cease to be.
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