It's been 50 days since we last talked.
A common friend came to visit and I ended up going to have coffee with them. he will go make a tattoo this Friday, the one I was supposed to go with him? he'll go with his friends. without me.
I feel calmer I guess, I feel like he moved on so I progressively feel less lonely. I think I'm starting to enjoy my own company. sometimes when I feel lonely I go and look for that inner voice that alas responds with love. she tells me that I can trust her that I'm loved and that I'm never alone even when I am. it tells me I'll be okay, that actually I'm in the exact right place to be happy. without being with someone and feel lonely. now I'm without him, I miss him and miss his smell but I'm okay, I didn't die I didn't melt and I didn't vanish. I'm still here and ready for accepting my happiness.
I'm finding the perks of being with myself. I'm trembling but I'm standing. Hell! I'm still standing :p And he'll have to live his life without a person that was capable of loving him and take care of him like I usedid to :)