Hello, it’s been 41 days since I’ve last properly talked to him, or initiated contact.I’ve reached out for help and my parents came with me to a psichiatrist(am I saying it right?) and she prescribed me some antidepressants. the thing about that is that I’m scared of its effects so I guess I’ll try it the non antidepressant way. my family doctor gave me a heart rate medicine because my heart rate has been crazy because of my anxiety.and I’ll look for a therapy in the city where I have my uni, that way I can have regular sessions and try to manage all of this. all of me.I’m sorta using you too :p I think that writing here calms me down a little and I think I need all the help I can get. I’ve been feeling sad but right now it isn’t a hurricane, it’s more like some calm rain. I’m still at the verge of crying but Ill try not to. I don’t want to become numb so I’ll just trust that all this bad weather that is inside me will pass natural. heart pills, when my doc told me about them I kinda found it funny, they are meant to slow down my heart and heaven knows how it needs to slow down. it needs rest.and peace.I’m in easter break so I won’t be seeing him, it’s probably good I guess.I’ve planned a study afternoon and I’m here at the library trying to find courage to geth of the car and start.it’s all in my head, the sadness, the image I’ve got of myself, the thought that his opinion of me matters. it really doesn’t. all that matters is me doing my work sucessfuly and feel good about myself again. what’s the best way to start something when you’re feeling scared of failure and weak? just do it.
Hello, it’s been 41 days since I’ve last properly talked to him, or initiated contact.I’ve reached out for help and my parents came with me to a psichiatrist(am I saying it right?) and she prescribed me some antidepressants. the thing about that is that I’m scared of its effects so I guess I’ll try it the non antidepressant way. my family doctor gave me a heart rate medicine because my heart rate has been crazy because of my anxiety.and I’ll look for a therapy in the city where I have my uni, that way I can have regular sessions and try to manage all of this. all of me.I’m sorta using you too :p I think that writing here calms me down a little and I think I need all the help I can get. I’ve been feeling sad but right now it isn’t a hurricane, it’s more like some calm rain. I’m still at the verge of crying but Ill try not to. I don’t want to become numb so I’ll just trust that all this bad weather that is inside me will pass natural. heart pills, when my doc told me about them I kinda found it funny, they are meant to slow down my heart and heaven knows how it needs to slow down. it needs rest.and peace.I’m in easter break so I won’t be seeing him, it’s probably good I guess.I’ve planned a study afternoon and I’m here at the library trying to find courage to geth of the car and start.it’s all in my head, the sadness, the image I’ve got of myself, the thought that his opinion of me matters. it really doesn’t. all that matters is me doing my work sucessfuly and feel good about myself again. what’s the best way to start something when you’re feeling scared of failure and weak? just do it.
Replies
Sibly, I\'m glad you are journaling. My physical reactions are much like yours, and journaling has always helped me when I need to get emotions out. Keep doing it, if only to get them out of your head.
A comment about antidepressants: I, too, resisted taking them for some time. I don\'t like the idea of taking unnatural drugs. When my grief overtook me, my therapist helped me understand that the medicine can be a short-term way to \"have a foundation\" for which healing can occur. I was \"labile\"(which means: crying all the time, heart palpitations, ruminating, insomnia). I had to figure out a way to cope and go to work. My point is: you\'re not weak if you need medication. It can help get you through all of this. Second, I also learned (unfortunately by experience), once you have Depression, the next episode of depression is worse. I don\'t know the science behind it, but found that antidepressants helped mine not get worse.
It sounds like you are taking the right steps for yourself in terms of seeing a doctor, and finding a therapist. I found that exercise and proper sleep help out a lot, too.
Have faith, you will get through this and be so much stronger for it. ~p
Thank you penseuse for your kindness.
I\'m only resisting to it because I\'ve seen its effects and I don\'t want to lose a scholar year, this is the thing I need to fight for, my grades. THE lack of concentration is what affects me most but I think that if I\'m strong enough and have will power I can overcome myself and start little by little feel okay again.
there\'s one thing that has been roaming my mind, my ex changed his watsapp picture to one that I was always telling him that I love and now my head is saying that it must be a sign. I\'m seriously not in a place to be with anyone right now but these thoughts keep haunting me. one thing I\'m sure though is that that won\'t make me go talk to him. I don\'t know if he has been messing around with some other girls and my take is that probably yes. so I don\'t want to go talk to him.
I think.that I\'ve been a little fixated on what he\'s doing and what he means and so on and I need me more than I need him. have a good week, hugs