I Just.. Feel tired..
I don't know why 1'm still hanging on to this. I should have objectives like I've more important things to do, but I feel nervous about letting him go and don't contact him or talk to him. What if he forgets about meT what I won't have him hug me like he used toll hope someone will come along and we'll fit perfectly but what if this was my perfect frt and because I wasn't ready, because I pressure too much... 1 ruined it allT
I Just ask myself... where did my self worth goll'm disappointed in myself. Im disappointed that I can let anyone hurt me this much and still go to him to ask him to take care of me.
I shouldn't have to ask.. 1 shouldn't have to worry so much of how hurt is he when I didn't even handle myself.. 1 want to change.. I just keep getting hurt this way..
He used to say I had to change because 1 would take everylhlng personal and so I would gel hurt really easily. He was right. I do get hurt very easily and I hate it! I just want a frickin button now, to stop all this, the not feeling wanted, the knowing he loves me the thinking he loves me more than he actually does, the not knowing if I'm being unfair. I just.. I don't know whol am anymore, what 1 want what my goals are. I was swallowed inside this plt black hole and in my head It will only be okay when we get back together and I show him I can love him better.
But how will 1 do it if every time I try to talk to him about something... He thinks I want to argueT I'm a mess guys..