we stayed in let's see how it goes and we'll either end up as friends or as a couple.
I'm not sure what I wanted to achieve with this, I think I just wanted to see of we could not argue for some time so I could build the courage to try it for the 100th time.
yesterday in the middle of a conversation, I felt like I was the one initiating contact every time and felt like I was going after him ( I don't want to feel like I'm harassing anyone) and so I told him.
his response was that I was searching for a fight and that we wouldn't be a couple but if I kept this going  not even friends.
that sentence struck me like a rock. I wanted to talk to him because the fact he decided that and just told me over a text while we talked about something totally doñifferent... I just thought I was worth that if that was what he feels that he would have the compassion of talking calmly and face to face. NOT OVER A TEXT
I just started replaying the day we want out.. how we kissed, how we made love, how I tried to explain to him how anxious it all made me feel, how he said he wouldn't pressure me and how he said I didn't need to be anxious that we would figure it out... I dont know why, because I've no right, but I felt used... used because he was the one that wanted to go up and he was the one to say don't worry when things started ... he was the one who initiated contact.. thé physical one.. even after I've told him that I was scared .. that I needed reassurance that we wouldn't fight..
a fricking wound reopened to have him tell me over a text that he thought it.through and nope, not a couple and probably not even friends.