I feel like I have failed everybody by leaving my marriage. Maybe I should have stayed and put up with the abuse. I did it for 25 years so what would be another 25 years. I mean how much longer do I have left on this earth anyway? My mom always told me you made your bed and now you have to lie in it and maybe she was right. Who was I to think I could be happy on my own? My stbx hangs out with my sister and her family and he goes over to my mom's all the time. He gets to run me down and they believe everything he tells them.  In the 7 months since I left not one of them has once called me or emailed me to ask how I am doing. I hear nothing from anybody. I am made to look like the bad one. He tells everybody that I have been running around on him for years which is a complete lie. They weren't there when I was backed against a wall being spit on..they weren't there when I had to duck to avoid being hit by things that were thrown at me...they weren't there when I had my shirt ripped off my back because I tried to call for help...they weren't there for the cursing and constant belittling...they weren't there when I was forced to have sex with him....they weren't there when I lived locked up in my bedroom because I was scared for my life. They never seen any of it. He was always good around them. It is my fault because I never told them anything. I didn't want them to know how I was living. That first time that he hit me I decided then and there I could never tell anybody. I was ashamed of my life. I wanted them to think I had it all and my moms words kept echoing in my head..."you made your bed and now you have to lie in it." I am struggling to get by. My son is in college trying to pay his way through school. Financially he has been struggling lately, working and going to school and I can't even help him. I can barely help myself. My sons birthday just went by and his dad sent him $20. My sister and her family were going on how great he was for sending him $20 for his birthday. That is all the money he has gotten from his Dad is 7 months!! My stbx quit his job and moved back to our hometown when I left him. So how he is working a minimum wage job but he is living with his brother and paying little for board. He has lots of extra money to go out and party every weekend while I don't even know how I am going to make it from one day to the next. Christmas is coming and I can't even afford a Christmas dinner for my family. I can't even buy them anything..there is no extra money. Maybe I should have just stayed. I would have been better off financially and I wouldn't have my family turned against me. My children stand behind my decision they lived the life too. I just had enough...I just wanted to be happy and to be at peace and now I have failed everybody...maybe I was being selfish...:(