Not feeling very good about myself today. I am about to walk away from the life I have known for 25+ years. I was up all night sick to my stomach and I can't stop crying. My heart is breaking all over again. It's one thing to talk about it but it is a completely different thing to actually do it. I know in my heart I am doing the right thing for both of us but it hurts so badly knowing I am the cause of his pain and turning his life upside down for my own happiness. I don't know how I will walk out the door of my home tonight and into a new life. I am so scared and so sad. This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hope someday that not only H can forgive me but also my family and God. I vowed to love him and to be by his side til death do us part and now I am walking away...I am so very sorry...
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Laurel,
You said that you are the cause of his life being upside down for your own happines. This is the way that I used to think. You need to turn that around hon. You have done very little to him. He has done a great deal of damage to you. It\'s very hard to leave the only thing you\'ve known all those years but if you want to have normalcy in your life and peace in your life, this is the only thing you can do. It\'s until death do you part, but they should reword it to \"Until abuse do you part.\" You can do this. You\'re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Hang in there and know that it will only get easier after you leave. You\'re going to feel a new happiness that lasts. Good luck sweetie. I\'ll be here on and off today. Let me know if I can help. Love you dearly, Launie xoxoxo
I used to think the same thing. And you know what, it is hard. And I know that sick feeling all to well. But you deserve to be happy. You deserve to not be faced with abuse. This is the hardest step, once you get over this step, it\'s a little easier. But you have to keep reminding yourself why you are doing this. I\'ve noticed that I have to constantly remind myself so that I don\'t fall back into his trap. One thing that is helping is that I signed a 1 year lease agreement, so I\'m bound to that and to pay for a least 12 months. That is one thing that keeps me grounded. And then sometimes I will go back and re read my journal. And remember how I was feeling. You can do this! You are strong! And you have a lot of support behind you. If you need us, we will be right here! You\'ve come a long way, almost there...
If you are sure you are doing the right thing, then you are right to go on with it.It is a very hard decision to make, and it does hurtother people as well as you.I was married to my kids (2) dad for 13 years. It was a bad choice from day 1. He is not a bad man. He provided, took part in the boys\' lives, never hit me, and is a good hearted man. He is however, oldschool. The mans the boss. I come from a family of independant women, and do not take well to orders or ultimatums. We mixed like oil and water. I told him if he would sign my divorce papers he could have what ever he wanted. (My kids were old enough to choose where to live.) I left a paid for home on an acre of land and everything, but my clothes, cedar chest,personal items and picture albums.(Which I later halved giving him pictures of every event in our lives.) I started over with nothing. I married a very old friend, after we fell in love, and I have been with him 20 years. I have no regrets. It was a hard road, and it is no easy thing for anyone of you. My sister told me \"for once in your life stop living to please someone else, follow your heart.\" Best advice I ever got. It is hard to leave a long relationship, even a bad one. It is what we know, we are familiar with it. Change is hard especially at an older age. You can do this. It may be nasty for a while, but that usually lessens as time goes by. Good luck, have a good life! YOU still can,Love Peggy