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I hate this lonely feeling that creeps up on me when I lay in bed each night...a big, cold, empty bed..lying there crying into my pillow wondering how my life went so wrong..what did I do so bad to deserve this? I am so tired of crying and feeling so alone..putting on a happy face for all to see but crying so desperately on the inside.  Every day is a fight to get through...every day a struggle...I try so hard to be strong but when I am alone at night in the lonely, darkness of my room I begin to weaken...I give in to those feelings....I begin to think and think and think..it is only then I am safe with my feelings where nobody can see my tears or hear my sobs when night becomes morning I crawl out of bed to face the world again with a smile on my face and laughter in my voice...I can't allow people to know my true feelings, they would never understand but then again do they even really care? The only people who truly care about me are the few people I have grown close to on here...people who I have never met face-to-face yet they care more about me then the people who have known me for so long.  What I wouldn't give for a simple hug..to feel like I mattered.  I look around me and I see all these people so in love...people walking hand in hand, smiling, laughing, enjoying life and I can't help but wonder why not me? Why can't I have those things? Why can't I have somebody who loves and adores me? Why was I never enough? Why couldn't I be loved? Why does he treat me so badly? Why? Why? Why?