Thank you!!!

I am so glad that a friend on here steered me in the direction of the Physical & Emotional Abuse and the Help in Deciding to Leave Groups on here.  I have had so many responses to my post about "my life" from people who know exactly how I feel. Every time I read somebody's reply I have to cry...each one touches me so greatly.  It is so sad to see so many people dealing with the same thing but it is also a comfort to know that there are people who truly understand how I am feeling. For years I have been telling myself that it wasn't that bad...that there are people who have it so much worse then me but I am beginning to realize that it is bad and I do deserve better. Living alone in peace would be so much better then walking on eggshells waiting for the next outburst..never knowing when it is going to happen but being on guard all the time.  Having my own place where my children can feel comfortable coming to visit, where I can go to bed at night with my bedroom door unlocked and feel safe, where nobody is around to call me hurtful names and make me feel like I am a terrible person. I have been alone a very long time in this marriage...just living day to day..my life passing me by....23 years of my life...I can't say they were wasted because I have two beautiful children and a precious little granddaughter who are my life. They are what keep me going, what makes me push forward when I just want to give up.  Now that they are grown and busy with their own lives I am lonely.  What I wouldn't give for a hug...to feel that closeness.  My son never leaves the house without giving me a kiss on the cheek and telling me he loves me and when I need a hug he is there. My daughter isn't as affectionate but she is always there to listen but I hate to bother them with my problems. None of my family live close but its not like I can talk to them anyway...they just don't get it.  I have no real close friends that I can confide in. For years I have kept it all inside...never wanting anybody to know how I was living. He knew I would never tell anybody either..I would never say anything to embarrass him in front of my family or his and he knew that.  He would always tell me that my own parents thought I was crazy and if I told them what he did they wouldn't believe it because they liked him better then they liked me anyway!!! I kept it all to myself and let everybody believe I was living the perfect life...in their eyes I had the perfect marriage...the perfect husband!  Boy did I have them fooled!! But now that I have found this place I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders..I have met so many wonderful people on here who have touched me greatly..I am so glad that I found DS...it has been a blessing!! For once I can be myself...tell people what life is really like..let some of those feelings go...and slowly begin to heal. Thank you all my DS friends and all those people who have reached out and replied to my post..each and every one of you are a blessing. And my hope is that one day all of us will find that happiness that we all deserve!! Love ya'll so much!! xxxxooooo