Everybody is so supportive here...I can't help but shed a few tears every time I read somebody's reply to me. To have people who don't even really know me, care so much about me is so touching...my own family don't even support me when it comes to my situation..8( Their attitude seems to be just brush it under the carpet and it will go away. I even had my mom say to me well can't you just stay together and live in different rooms..just ignore each other..you have put up with each other this long so why not just keep doing it. Her thought is, "What will I tell people?" I have always been brought up not to do things to embarass my family..to do the right thing...that's how I ended up married to who I did in the first place. I know I don't post much in the groups for fear of sounding silly or saying something that may offend somebody...for so many years I have been told I was stupid and that my thoughts and feelings didn't matter. Over the years I have come to keep a lot inside...at least my thoughts and feelings are safe in there. It seemed no matter what I would say to H he would roll his eyes and say "don't be so stupid" or he would completely blank me out. Sometimes just something I simply said would send him into a complete rage...so I learned to be careful about what I said and how I said it for fear of what would happen. If my children or I did something wrong in his eyes...he would bring it up over and over again...years later even. Now I just don't talk to him at all...I avoid conversation with him as much as possible. I have been told so many times by him over the years that I am crazy for feeling the way that I do. I try to believe in me and my feelings but it seems I am always second guessing myself...wondering if I am right for feeling the way I do..wondering if I voice my thoughts will people think I am stupid. I am so fragile sometimes and get hurt so easily. If I say something that hurts somebody else it tears me apart...the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody. I know sometimes my daughter will say things to me that she thinks nothing of and maybe another person wouldn't either but I end of feeling hurt. I don't let it show cause I know she didn't mean anything by it but after she is gone I will go in my room and cry and feel I failed her. In time maybe I will feel safe to post in the groups but for now I feel most safe here in my journal......
Replies
I am so sorry you have been made to feel this way, it is awful when we have so much self doubt!! Please know you are valueable, your thoughts, your opinion and your feelings, they matter!! We all have life experiences and you never know how one kind word, or thought will affect someone else for the better!!!
Omigosh -- YOU are ME 4 weeks agon. I hope you have the strength to move out and go on with your own life without this abusive man.
I CAN\'T go back in time and go through a normal divorce where we talk to each other about the children, etc. I had to wait (too long) until the police and courts and attorneys did it all for us.
I CAN\'T change the fact that my son and I are post-traumatic and my husband went to jail and could lose his license or his job.
I CAN\'T undo my mistakes, BUT YOU CAN do it right!
I am with you and hear to listen whenever you need it.
A weird thing is that when he was reaming me out and even attacking me, I thought to myself, at least he\'s paying attention to me. I HATED that kind of attention, but it was less painful than being shunned and ignored (except for the occasional eye roll or sarcastic comment.)
My mom was not supportive either, but for the opposite reason: she would not support me UNLESS I left (on her terms.)
I have finally taken my husband and mom out of the driver\'s seat and took control of my own destiny. It feels so much better.
YOU can do this right. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am here online whenever you need to talk or vent or listen or whatever.
In your husband\'s place are a hundred kind and loving people willing to support you as you take back your life.
You are not married. That is not a marriage.
You just do what you want. No judgment or pressure from me. You dont\' need judgment or pressure. You just need to learn to listen to your own heart (which, by the way, is a lot easier if you can get away from him for a little while -- maybe a trip or trial separation.)
I\'m so sorry you are having to live like this. You could have been writing about me too. My ex used to tell me my feelings were stupid. From the day we were married, anytime I used \"I\", my ex would correct me and say \"we.\" :( I was taught that when married, two became one. I just didn\'t realize that the \"one\" would be all him. It was always about him. He used to tell me how selfish and self centered I was/am.
I was raised not to \"air my dirty laundry\" so I kept my abusive marriage to myself. I actually didn\'t realize it was abusive until a couple of years ago. When I finally did tell people, they thought I was nuts leaving such a great guy. My ex made sure they saw him that way. They never saw what went on behind closed doors. They never saw the subtle abuse. Heck I never saw it. I used to believe I WAS selfish and that everything was my fault. It wasn\'t, and it\'s not your fault either.
I hesitate to post in the D&BU group too because there is a lot of negativity and people slamming other people. I\'d like to suggest that you join the \"physical & emotional\" abuse group. I think you will find it very supportive. I also think that the \"help in deciding to leave\" sub group might be helpful to you as well.
((((((Hugs))))))
awwwww hun we r all here for u, & it is not u tht is stupid it is ur HHHHHHH, sorry I had to say tht.I really hope u can come to terms & leave like u would want to , u don\'t deserve a man like tht, u deserve much better, someone who will care abt u & ur feelings & not abt. themselves. I am so sorry u have to go thru tht, if it was me I would have been gone a long time ago I don\'t take any crap from any guy tht treats a woman like tht, sounds like he is insecure abt himself & just has to feel like a man & take out on you, well ur in my thoughts & prayers always, US WOMEN HAVE TO TAKE A STAND!!!!!!!! Love Ya Rosey xoxo I am here for u always....
You need to look at yourself in the mirror every single day and tell yourself that you are a worthy human being, you are a lovable woman, you are a caring woman and a wonderful person. You need to rebuild the self-esteem that your husband destroyed. No person, not your husband or your mom, should ever make you feel less than the truly awesome person that you are.
If there is a way for you to seek counseling it would be a good idea. You need to re-train your brain into knowing that you have worth,you are not stupid, and you have feelings that deserve to be heard not \"brushed under the carpet\".
I can\'t tell by your profile or your journal if you have left your husband or not, but I hope that you have found the strength and courage to do so. He sounds like a bully to me and you are too good for him. Repeat that - \"I AM TOO GOOD FOR HIM\"
Please know that you are not alone. The 20 years and over support members would NEVER make you feel that your thoughts and feelings are silly or stupid. It is the most supportive group of people I have ever \"met\". I couldn\'t have come this far without them.
I know we talk on that site and you\'ve been very supportive to others as well. Please open up and heal yourself. You are at home here. Hugs to you.