Everytime I come in here and read the posts I am reduced to tears..there are so many strong women that are moving forward with their lives..I am so proud of them..why can't I find that strength? I go through live sad and lonely every day yet I can't make that move!! I cry when I read about how so many people feel when their spouse leaves them and then the guilt gets to me since I am the one who wants to leave..such terrible things said about the one who leaves. It would be easier to stay and spare him any hurt I will cause him by going. Maybe I am just being selfish wanting to escape from here...maybe I got it all wrong..maybe the reason he treats me the way he does is because I don't live up to his standards...maybe I am the reason for all of our problems. I have a H who would never cheat on me....he doesn't treat me with respect but he is faithful. He has never hit me but once many years ago...I have it so much easier then a lot of people on here!! Some people live such terrible lives and here I am complaining because my H calls me names and talks down to me...I feel so degraded when he spits on me but at least he is not beating me...I am beginning to think I really am the problem...maybe I am just being selfish...8(
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What you are going through is considered emotional abuse. There is no shame in you wanting out of the marriage. You need to do what is best for your health and well being. You are not being selfish.
I know many women who left their husbands for various reasons. Don\'t feel you are wrong for wanting to leave. If you didn\'t have a good reason, and you do with the emotional abuse, then you wouldn\'t be here feeling the way you do.
Keep up with your plans and you will feel much better as time goes on.
Really, time does help.
Iam so sorry you are going through a bad time. Please do not second guess yourself. Everyone is at different stages and different reasons. Alot of infidelity but mine is not for that reason either. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. If they are not willing to give that or work on that IMO that is not a marriage and also where I am at. I do think this is just a low spell for you as looking at your journal just 10 days ago you were so much stronger. I do that too but all the people here do...Roller coaster. Hang on til the stronger days come and don\'t compare yourself to others. You DO deserve a great life! Drop me a personal message any time you want. Take care !
To me marriage means more then living together. It always has. When I write my posts here, they are about the most hurtful and shocking times in my life. Especially when I finally left. I was ill - my situation worsened & at my age now, I just couldn\'t handle the stress anymore. I loved my husband. There\'s a part of me that still does. So many years together and not all of them horrible. Actually, if you had an hour, I could tell you of the wonderful things we did together and some of the great times we shared.
I know that life is not perfect and that people aren\'t either. I chose to put up with a lot of things that happened in my life because of that. I wanted nothing more then my husband and family - always. Sometimes too, you just get used to certain behaviors. Especially, if others in your family and some friends seem to deal with similar behaviors in their lives. You begin to look at these behaviors as a flaw - rather then abuse. It is abuse - you just don\'t look at it this way. I\'ve always said, \"Italian women don\'t go to therapists - they just learn how to duck!\"
I have a brother-in-law that has never cheated on his wife, but his wife lives in fear of him on a day to day basis. Doing the same thing we all do - just try to make the best of it. That\'s just the way he is. Well, that\'s not good enough. That\'s not a marriage - that\'s enslaving someone to make only THEM happy.
Please don\'t ever look at me as strong. It took a lifetime to get me where I am now. I\'m not proud of that at all. I just hope that by sharing my experiences here, there will be just one person that says, \"She\'s right - what am I staying for\" and do what I know - I should have done sometime back.
I believe that no relationship is perfect (friends and family too). If your sharing a relationship and 50% of the time it\'s wonderful and 50% of the time it\'s crap. I think you have a good relationship! It\'s when you find the percentage of \"crap\" over weighing - far over weighing the good - that relationship is doomed. What\'s the point of being in it? Will it get better? If you think it will - try to get it back to the 50-50. If you can\'t do at least that - that\'s a problem to consider fixing. Just think that you are willing to give up 1/2 of yourself for this person, but do you want to give up more? As a human being you have basic rights - to be respected - to be listened to - and to feel safe in your surroundings. If you don\'t have these basic human rights, then what do you have?
From the bottom of my heart I wish so much for you. I DO know exactly how you feel. It can be just awful. Like someone has just sucked the life out of you. You\'re just existing. You\'ll see as you get older, unless there are some changes made for you, you will begin to deplete physically too. The stress and depression will eat you alive. Whether you stay or whether you leave is for you to decide. But, what ever you do - you have to take a stand for yourself or nothing will change and you will feel this way for the rest of your life.
Sorry for rambling. I just feel so awful to hear you feeling as I had for so many, many years. It hurts me too. You ARE a strong woman - don\'t ever think you\'re not. You\'ve been through a lot and done well. Keep your spirits high - you\'re so worthy of that. I\'m here for you anytime. Big hugs my friend.
DITTO TO ALL THAT WAS SAID HERE....PLEASE, GET OUT!!!!!
((((((HUGS))))))
Hello sweetie I am so sorry for everything you are going through. You are going through some very deep depression , unfortunately I know well to much about what depression can do to you. You H may not be hitting you or cheating on you but he is hurting you mentally. Mental abuse can be far worse then all the others. You need to put some value in yourself , and know that how he treats you is not right. NO ONE deserves to be miss treated , put down or SPIT on . That is down right in humain!
First thing you have to do is go get yourself some help, if you decide to leave or not, you have got to get your depression under some type of control. Before you need more then just some meds . Second a good therapist can help you find the peace within yourself that you so desperately need. I know you have the inner strength to do this you are so worth it. I can tell you one thing that I have learned through this whole mess that I went through and I will take it with me where ever I go and will pass it on to whom ever will listen. I learned to love and value my self more then any one else. I always put my self last for everything. No more, you can NEVER love any one till you can truely say that you love yourself.
Remember we are here for you and we have all been at rock bottom. Sometimes we take a few steps forward and 12 more back but the thing is we have to keep trying to move forward . You will get there, I believe in you love , if I can do it any one can.
Many hugs love and message me any time if you just want to talk. You have come to the perfect place to talk , vent , scream, yell, thats what we are all here for to pick each other up when we fall. Lots of wonderful men and women here with great advice.
Oh sweetie, I feel so bad for u, ur not the problem in ur marriage I hate to say this but he is. He has no right to be talking u down or calling u names or even spiting on u, I am sorry tht is so wrong!! I know how u feel abt feeling alone, i go thru tht every day, the only way he tlks to me if I ask a question or he asks me one, & like u it is hard to leave. But we can both get thru this together u know where I am at & I hope we get to tlk soon, Lot\'s of hugs to u my friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I agree with the people that say that whay you are going through is Emotional Abuse. There are many \"abuses\" out here. My thoughts for so many years were that I would rather be punched in the gut than deal with emotional abuse. Emotional abuse tends to leave a bigger scar on the soul than physical. I lived with both. I was talked down to and called names as well. In fact, after so many years of dealing with it, I found that I, myself, started acting out and calling Him names too. We all are not too old to learn new behaviors and I am a great example of that. If you feel that you should leave to \"save your soul\" then who are we to tell you otherwise. It\'s time to be strong and tell yourself that YOU DON\'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY. You may love him desperately, but that is no reason to stay. I finally got out after 17 years of severe abuse. The thing that lingered was the emotional abuse, if that means anything. After I got out of my marriage, I realized several things....I AM strong, I AM smart, and I AM capable of making decisions for myself. I also realized that I continued to love him very much even after he remarried to a second wife. But you know what? He treats her the same way!!! He never changed, but I did and for the better. My children have all been greatly affected, but we are trying to work on the healing process which you need too. I left several times and NEVER regretted it. The final time was the gem. I know that I\'m a better person for it and I am still learning (as everyone probably knows) how to deal with MY anger that I gleened from the relationship. I hope this helps. Good luck, and NEVER second guess your gut feelings.