Everytime I come in here and read the posts I am reduced to tears..there are so many strong women that are moving forward with their lives..I am so proud of them..why can't I find that strength? I go through live sad and lonely every day yet I can't make that move!! I cry when I read about how so many people feel when their spouse leaves them and then the guilt gets to me since I am the one who wants to leave..such terrible things said about the one who leaves.  It would be easier to stay and spare him any hurt I will cause him by going.  Maybe I am just being selfish wanting to escape from here...maybe I got it all wrong..maybe the reason he treats me the way he does is because I don't live up to his standards...maybe I am the reason for all of our problems.  I have a H who would never cheat on me....he doesn't treat me with respect but he is faithful.  He has never hit me but once many years ago...I have it so much easier then a lot of people on here!! Some people live such terrible lives and here I am complaining because my H calls me names and talks down to me...I feel so degraded when he spits on me but at least he is not beating me...I am beginning to think I really am the problem...maybe I am just being selfish...8(