Letting Go...

Today is the first day I am actually letting go. Letting go and letting him have his space without me trying to make sure he is okay. I should be okay with this, but for some reason I am not, why? I know he loves me and cares for me, so why should I feel worried or anxious? Maybe because his past is not such a big support in that idea. Maybe because he has done things behind my back and lied to my face and when confronted, only continues to lie. How can I let all that go? Is this really a relationship when we hardly ever see each other cause he lives three hours away? Is this really a relationship when he likes to disappear and be on his own and not even talk to me when he does his thing? I feel so alone. All I want is to be wanted and I know that I won't completely get that with him, but it still hurts. It still does not make it any easier. I just want to know that I am missed and I am loved. Maybe this isn't the relationship for me. Maybe I require a little more than what he is capable of giving? I don't really know. At this point all I can do is pray and let God take the lead. I am tired and have thrown in the towel. I am trusting you Lord, it is your will.