7 years past and now it is time...
So where do I start?
I guess the first thing to say is hello :) and thank you for being here.
I've known about this site for a long while now but I've never felt compelled to join, simply because I'm proud. I'm stubborn. And most of all, because I'm "always okay".
But I guess the beauty of this site is that it lets me be 'not okay'. It lets me leak out my screams in a silent manor that allows me to maintain my public and personal wall of defense.
I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, but I think one of my main attributes has to be my ability to cover my problems and refuse to even let people know they exist, let alone talk about them.
You see, 7 years ago I was raped... this is the first time I've ever physically let that out. And would you believe it, now is the first time I've cried from it.
I don't know how I feel, I've never tried to figure it out. Instead I've distracted myself with other peoples problems and petty issues of mine. I've created a block in my head that goes to TV static whenever a trigger might be coming (that's the best way to describe it).
I don't know what I'm expecting from the people on this site, perhaps just a friendly face. Maybe I'll find someone who I can talk to and them to me... I think that'd be nice.
I guess the first thing to say is hello :) and thank you for being here.
I've known about this site for a long while now but I've never felt compelled to join, simply because I'm proud. I'm stubborn. And most of all, because I'm "always okay".
But I guess the beauty of this site is that it lets me be 'not okay'. It lets me leak out my screams in a silent manor that allows me to maintain my public and personal wall of defense.
I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, but I think one of my main attributes has to be my ability to cover my problems and refuse to even let people know they exist, let alone talk about them.
You see, 7 years ago I was raped... this is the first time I've ever physically let that out. And would you believe it, now is the first time I've cried from it.
I don't know how I feel, I've never tried to figure it out. Instead I've distracted myself with other peoples problems and petty issues of mine. I've created a block in my head that goes to TV static whenever a trigger might be coming (that's the best way to describe it).
I don't know what I'm expecting from the people on this site, perhaps just a friendly face. Maybe I'll find someone who I can talk to and them to me... I think that'd be nice.
Replies
I\'m so glad you\'ve found the courage to begin to talk about this, both here and with your gf. Both of those were massive steps for you.
I read this as a follow from your post in the Rape forum so this is kinda a reply to both. I do so understand the trying to find vicarious healing through helping others, but, sadly, that doesn\'t really work - as I think you\'ve discovered. You do need to let this out and find help and healing yourself, too. And you\'ve started to do that.
Please do consider talking with a counsellor. As you\'re in the UK, I know there are several rape / sexual assault services around your area. Even though it\'s 7 years ago, they are still very relevant and would be used to people contacting them such a time after the event. I don\'t know the particular services near you, but many services deal with males as well as females.
Personal counselling would be another option. The Counselling Directory is a good place to start.
If I can be of any help, feel free to PM me.
Good luck on your journey.