7 years gone

I'm not good at this kind of thing... I have problems dealing with people, I'm too nervous, and I also ramble... but I feel like I want to know what people outside of all of this think about what has happened... everyone says it's not my fault but... well it's a long story but I think to understand it I have to explain what happened... Like I wrote I'm bad at dealing with people. I have Asperger's syndrome but my doctor says I have adapted well with no help and I don't have a lot of the downsides of it. I just get really nervous around people even online. It's had for me to comment on even a video I like on Youtube. So I never had many friends and those that I had in school told me they wanted nothing to do with me two years out of high school. I was suffering from depression and they didn't want me dragging them down. That made me to never want friends like that again. The only people I am around is family and co workers now, it's easier that way. I did meet a girl online after and we dated for three years. It was a long distance relationship but I just wanted to be with someone even if she did take my money and cheat on me often. That's my biggest problem... all I have ever wanted was to be loved. Well about a year later I meet the most wonder girl I had ever know. She was so much like me. We didn't share all of the same interests but she was willing to try the movies and such I like just so we would have something in common. She lives a few states away but she came for a week long vacation and it was so wonderful. My family is very close and they welcomed her like she was one of us. So I asked her to marry me but we knew it would be awhile before it could happen. A few months later she moved here. I have a crappy job so I lived in my family's apartment upstairs. They agreed to let her rent it very cheap but I have to sleep downstairs. That was no problem since we both we going to wait till marriage for anything like that. Now to fast forward a few years. Me and her are inseparable. People say we act like we are already married. We started back in church too. We had so many good times. I had never been loved like that. Having someone what to be with me hold my hand and always be there. I'm about to cry so I'll move on. During this time we are trying to save money to get married but it's not easy. Then something happened. She started to change. She got mad a lot and would cry a lot. I didn't know what to do. She told me that she expected to be married by then but we hadn't yet. She told me she thought we never would and that she would never have kids that she was getting too old.  Keep in mind she is 26 and I'm 32 this year and she thought she was too old for kids like 4 or 5 years ago. She got so obsessed with having babies it was the only thing she would talk about. I wanted to have kids but she wanted babies not kids. She said when they would get so old they would be mine to take care of and she would want another baby. Well that went on for awhile. She decided that she was going to get a good enough job she could save up the rest for the wedding. She always had hated my job because it doesn't pay well... but I am good at it and I have been there for over 10 years. Also she did not understand the FEAR I have of dealing with others... it's like a wall that closes in on me and I can't breathe... so going to work at a store or something, the most common jobs around here, scared me to death. She just said I was comfortable and didn't care about having a future. So a wedge had been drive between us... and I am dumb I always think things will work out well in the end and we can fix anything because we loved each other. Moving on to last year. The wedding planning was moving ahead but she quit her job over something that happened there. She had made a friend, Janet, at that job who I did not like because well she was a bad influence. My "fiancee" is someone who molds herself to the people she is around. She said so herself. When I met her she never cursed and was very loyal to our faith but being around people at the places she had work changed that. This Janet helped my "fiancee" get a job at another cleaning company and that's when everything fell apart. One night she was telling me she meet a girl, Amanda, who was so much like her. But she told me she was a drug user like Janet and that Amanda was a lesbian. I just offhandedly said "Just don't pick up any bad habits." She FLIPPED out. Yelling at me about how she would never do drugs and I don't know her if I thought she would. That's when she called off the wedding... for a small comment that meant nothing. That was two weeks after she met Amanda and 4 months before we where to get married. She would then leave on the weekends to run around with Amanda and would be gone for 9 or 10 hours without a word. We fought a lot and I mean a LOT. She stopped caring about doing things together... when we would go out she would say she would rather been with Amanda. She stopped holding my hand or sitting with me. She stopped going to church because Amanda didn't like it. I was so dumb. Everyone saw it... even I did but I didn't want to believe it. After 7 years of being together I never thought she would do what everyone around me was saying. I still loved her and thought she loved me. Well after fighting and making up and promises to make thing better for ten months... It all ended last Thursday. She always was texting, constantly, and she hid it from me. If I wrote someone she HAD to see what I was writing but heaven forbid I even look toward her when she was typing. She had gotten a new phone and left her old one on her desk. I saw it when I came home from work and went into her room to feed our cat. I figured it would just be nothing on it but work stuff or the like... I was wrong. what I found was so bad I could not breathe. She had fallen in love with Amanda and had been going out with her almost the whole time she had been at this job behind my back. She told her how she hated even being seen with me and wanted to be with her because she wasn't embarrassing. This had started right after she went to work at that place. From what I understand Amanda hit on her and she liked it and it went from there. Keep in mind Amanda has a girlfriend she lives with. Amanda's girlfriend found out and made them break up... twice. Amanda tried to push her away but she would not let go. I read texts saying "You cant say it was a mistake!" "I know you love me just as much as I love you!" "I'm going to make you look at the pictures of us and tell me you feel nothing!"  They where planning to have their own place this month but Amanda backed out two months ago. There was so so much... I took pictures of a lot of it so no one could call me a liar. I texted her and told her I knew. She came home packed some stuff and my mother told her she has two weeks to get the rest and even gave her her rent back. I don't know how this happened. We where so in love and now everything she told me, like she would never leave, she has been telling Amanda for ten months. There is so much more to this but it would take too long to get into it. I Everyone tells me its not my fault and that she would of done something like this no matter what, she did love to flirt with guys but I never saw her falling for a girl. They said I should be glad we didn't get married. But when I am alone I just think... maybe if I had did more I could of kept this from happening. I don't know what to do.