7 weeks today
Feeling anxious this morning but nothing I can't handle - hopefully, it won't get any worse. Once I get to work I hope I'll feel better. Just have to remember that its just anxiety. I'm still determined to wean off the meds. The problem with anxiety is that I start to catastophise everything. The situation is bad enough without me adding to it. Or maybe the anxiety is just a result of me actually facing reality. When I'm facing reality I have to take a long hard look at myself. I think I've been afraid of being rejected and alone my entire life, that's why I put up walls. It was years into the marriage before I let those walls down. Then I became so emotionally dependent on him I lost myself. I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels that way.
I never thought I would be a good wife and mother, but guess what? I was. I still have to remind myself of that. The kids are fantastic. How dare him say he doesn't like the way I talk to the kids sometimes. Just because I expect them to clean up after themselves and take out the garbage. He thinks I treat them like slaves! What a jerk! All the passive agressive darts he's thrown at me over the years.
I know I'll find myself again, the problem is, I didn't really like who I was until I became a wife and mother. I was self destructive with drugs, alcohol and sex. I remind myself that I'm not that person anymore, and that I've grown up in the last 22 years. I became a kind and caring person. It's hard to find my identity right now. I certainly will never go back to the person I was when I was single. I guess I'll have to combine what I've learned, through good times and bad and define myself into the person I want to be. I don't need a man to define me.
I never thought I would be a good wife and mother, but guess what? I was. I still have to remind myself of that. The kids are fantastic. How dare him say he doesn't like the way I talk to the kids sometimes. Just because I expect them to clean up after themselves and take out the garbage. He thinks I treat them like slaves! What a jerk! All the passive agressive darts he's thrown at me over the years.
I know I'll find myself again, the problem is, I didn't really like who I was until I became a wife and mother. I was self destructive with drugs, alcohol and sex. I remind myself that I'm not that person anymore, and that I've grown up in the last 22 years. I became a kind and caring person. It's hard to find my identity right now. I certainly will never go back to the person I was when I was single. I guess I'll have to combine what I've learned, through good times and bad and define myself into the person I want to be. I don't need a man to define me.
Replies
My advice? THIS IS A BAD TIME to try to wean off the meds. Also, if you are in talk therapy STAY IN THERAPY. If you are not, GET INTO THERAPY. It sounds to me like this split is bringing up a lot of old, unresolved issues for you (very common) and this is the time to address them! Hugs to you.
I agree. Maybe you think taking the meds for anxiety is a weakness, but its not, its common sense when you are dealing with a really difficult situation that is making you anxious. Its like taking aspirin for a headache -- you don\'t have to tough out physical or emotional pain when there\'s a medication that will help. . There will doubtless be a time when you dont need the anxiety meds any longer, but it sounds to me that it would be premature to give them up right now. Be kind to yourself.
I was on them too, but because of the bad reaction, I could not take them. Please stop being so hard on yourself, I can feel by your writing. You are a strong woman. To be able to overcome all that and raise a family shows you how strong you are. hugs