7 days and going forward

Hello Everyone,

Sorry about the blankpost. I don't know what I hit but it went away and posted a blank post. So anyway, I will write it again. It has been 7 days now without gambling. My head feels so much better. I feel so much better. I started my GA meetings again this week. I will say it felt different this time compared to my past efforts to go. I know I was not 100% about recovery in the past. I was more worried about doing something to show some people I was making an effort to stop. I never wanted to admit I was like those others in the meetings. I had to be able to control this problem.

I do believe I have came to that realization I can't do that. I am one of them. I have an illness called compulsive gambling. It has interferred in my life and caused so much sorrow and hopelessness over the last 30 years. It is time and I want to stop this. I have too much to live for to let this control me and continue to ruin my happiness. I have been blessed with three beautiful grandchildren over the last three years. I look forward to making memories with them. I am so tired of the dishonesty. Gambling has caused me to behave and do things that are totally out of my character. Honestly when I get in that mode, I zone out of reality. I lie to those who care about me and most of all lie to myself.

I do have to work hard on forgiving myself for the issues I have caused. I can't change last week or the last 30 years. I can however live day to day and make the best of every day. And vow to myself and God I will not gamble one more day. That is my plan at this time along with staying in treatment. I need to be with those people who understand. So that is what I will do.

So hear is to another day. It has been a good day. Everyone have a good weekend.