7 days
Well, it's been 7 days since I was sent to the hospital when I overdid the alcohol and found a rifle. I then proceeded to bring it into the bathroom and contemplated using it on myself. How did I get here? I never drank alcohol in my life, I am married, a mom of 5 and own 2 businesses. I guess some would consider that reason enough but, I love where I am in life, it's the alcohol that interferes with my ability to function at my full speed.
To start, I started getting very vivid flashbacks about 4 yrs ago about a gang rape that occurred to me involving my eldest brother, his friends and a neighbors dad. As I started to get these more frequently, I turned to alcohol to "shut off the memories". It worked temporarily, I also went to therapy.
In the past 2 yrs I have been open to my family about what happened and they in turn, told me there was no way it was possible and cut me out of their lives. This led to more drinking as I was very close with my family and no longer had their support.
About a week ago is when things took a turn for the worse, I overdid the drinking and somehow ended up threatening to end my own life, in front of my husband and kids. I was sent to the ER and ended up in the mental heath unit for 3 days.
After getting sober, I realized that instead of helping my issues, this was just adding to my problems. My plan is to stay sober and be honest with myself about my drinking. Wish me luck!
To start, I started getting very vivid flashbacks about 4 yrs ago about a gang rape that occurred to me involving my eldest brother, his friends and a neighbors dad. As I started to get these more frequently, I turned to alcohol to "shut off the memories". It worked temporarily, I also went to therapy.
In the past 2 yrs I have been open to my family about what happened and they in turn, told me there was no way it was possible and cut me out of their lives. This led to more drinking as I was very close with my family and no longer had their support.
About a week ago is when things took a turn for the worse, I overdid the drinking and somehow ended up threatening to end my own life, in front of my husband and kids. I was sent to the ER and ended up in the mental heath unit for 3 days.
After getting sober, I realized that instead of helping my issues, this was just adding to my problems. My plan is to stay sober and be honest with myself about my drinking. Wish me luck!
Replies
I quit drinking about 6 years ago. I could only see it going downhill. My son is 7 years sober. He almost died from his drinking.
Depression lessens when the alcohol goes.
Keep working on solving what is bothering you and take care of yourself. That will help you get well enough to be a good mom and wife...and happier with yourself! Hope you are lurking on the Alcoholism site. there are tons of others you might find helpful too.
im so sorry for what happened to you, what happened to your brother to do that to you, my heart breaks, youre very strong...hang in there
The Statute of Limitations prevents me from taking any legal action for what they did, so I have to somehow pick up the pieces and move forward. Thank you for the kind thoughts!
i also want to know, if its ok, what happened in your brothers life for him to do such a heinous thing to his sister, was he hurt early on in life?
He has never admitted to any abuse that happened to him but we lived next door to a known pedophile that affected 100\'s of kids (found out later on) so I think it is safe to say the something may have happened to him also. Before the rape, I witnessed him assaulting my other brother and he put a gun to my face and threatened to blow my head off if I said anything, was around 9 at the time, my thought is the rape was a way for him to show how much power he had and a way for him to guarantee that I would never call him out, as I am doing now. My fear is that he is still abusing kids. Which is why I\'ve decided to be open about what happened, much to the despair of my parents and siblings, they have decided to turn their backs and not acknowledge what went on in our neighborhood. Thank you for your questions, I will answer as much as I can! Have a great day!
i said a prayer last night for you, the \"our father\" - hopefully it brings some peace
Thank you, I truly appreciate it, I had a peaceful weekend! I did slip up once but am back on track again, the hardest part is when my husband tends to only point out my slip ups and not all the days I do well. Hopefully this will change with time.