7-3-12: They're Back...
The feelings are back...Frustration, Fatigue, Fear, Failure...and they all lead to depression... My husband has been home from work since Sunday...and today, after his dr's appointment, and after we ate...he just starts nagging at me about shit...he wants to control what and how I dvr my shows...which lead him to asking about his radio...which now he wants the pawn ticket and the rest of his stuff...which I totally understand...but he doesn't....so now he's all upset with me cause I am treating him the way he's treated me...and I am all upset cause he just doesn't get it...and I am left feeling like shit...
I am anxious...I want to run and scream and break things...I want him to get it and he just don't...I can admit that I am wrong...but he can't ...I get those awful feelings...I have so much to do but I can't do it cause of these damn feelings...
I am frustrated that our relationship has come to this...I am so tired of living this way (that is the fatigue)...I am so afraid that he can't take this and he will give up and leave...he just left for a while, but he came back...then he got on his phone and he was talking to someone I don't know who or about what, but of course I can only imagine...he's planning his departure...which is not what I want...because if he leaves, it will only mean that I failed...I failed as a wife again...and that is what kills me...I just don't know what to do...I need to go to my mom's house and I need to go a chess meeting tonight...but I am afraid to go and come back to nothing...He's off work tomorrow to cause of the holiday...and I am afraid of what the next 48 hours is going to consist of...I guess I'll just go do what I have to do even though I don't want to and I don't feel like it!
ugh...this is so frustrating....
I am anxious...I want to run and scream and break things...I want him to get it and he just don't...I can admit that I am wrong...but he can't ...I get those awful feelings...I have so much to do but I can't do it cause of these damn feelings...
I am frustrated that our relationship has come to this...I am so tired of living this way (that is the fatigue)...I am so afraid that he can't take this and he will give up and leave...he just left for a while, but he came back...then he got on his phone and he was talking to someone I don't know who or about what, but of course I can only imagine...he's planning his departure...which is not what I want...because if he leaves, it will only mean that I failed...I failed as a wife again...and that is what kills me...I just don't know what to do...I need to go to my mom's house and I need to go a chess meeting tonight...but I am afraid to go and come back to nothing...He's off work tomorrow to cause of the holiday...and I am afraid of what the next 48 hours is going to consist of...I guess I'll just go do what I have to do even though I don't want to and I don't feel like it!
ugh...this is so frustrating....
Replies
Hi. I am sitting in a bar of all places and read your journal. Had a little tiff with my fianc myself but I was married for a long time myself. I\'m sorry that ur husband is being so unpredictable..his behavior should not have any bearing on how you feel about how you are as a wife. It sounds like you love him. He must be feeling unstable. Sweetie I hope u feel better, I\'m going but I will check on you very soon. Here is a hug. Relationships with men are so hard.
Hi Elena!
I wish I was sitting in a bar! LOL...thanks for the comment and the hug...I do love my husband...very much...I think that is what makes this so hard...and you are so right...Relationships with men are HARD!!!