7/14/2015 Feeling Better Today, Except For My Dream
And looking forward to my next session with my counselor. I am "hungry" for tools to help me learn how Neurotypicals think & behave. I'm happy to be able to continue to see her, despite her still being in New York. She agreed to sessions via Skype, as she knows me very well & Skype will not mask anything.
I had a most distressing nightmare this morning, just a few minutes before my alarm rang. The bits & pieces of the dream came from the last few days activities, journal entries & Facebook conversations. In my dream, I was watching a kindergarten-age girl go up a ladder to get something. I asked her to wait for a grownup to help her, it's not safe. She got on the ladder, reached for the something & fell face first to the floor. My arms were raised because I wanted to catch her. As she fell, she grew younger. As she grew younger, she began to remind me of me. When she hit the floor, she broke her neck & died. I watched the life drain from her eyes.
I sat straight up & then my alarm rang. I've been bothered by the visuals left by my dream today. I can only conclude this girl represents me & my long road to learn how to think & relate like a Neurotypical. This journey requires me to change who I am, sort of like this me that I am now must die- in a metaphorical sense- to allow a new me (whomever I will become) to emerge.
I would like to never have a nightmare again. Wishful thinking...
I had a most distressing nightmare this morning, just a few minutes before my alarm rang. The bits & pieces of the dream came from the last few days activities, journal entries & Facebook conversations. In my dream, I was watching a kindergarten-age girl go up a ladder to get something. I asked her to wait for a grownup to help her, it's not safe. She got on the ladder, reached for the something & fell face first to the floor. My arms were raised because I wanted to catch her. As she fell, she grew younger. As she grew younger, she began to remind me of me. When she hit the floor, she broke her neck & died. I watched the life drain from her eyes.
I sat straight up & then my alarm rang. I've been bothered by the visuals left by my dream today. I can only conclude this girl represents me & my long road to learn how to think & relate like a Neurotypical. This journey requires me to change who I am, sort of like this me that I am now must die- in a metaphorical sense- to allow a new me (whomever I will become) to emerge.
I would like to never have a nightmare again. Wishful thinking...
Replies
I\'m glad you can continue with your counselor!! Its hard enough to move to a different place and have to find all new doctors. I did that one before. In my first marriage we moved 17 times in 18 years all over the country. hard to set everything up. - hugs Arlene
I know you don\'t feel it but you are a very together person. You have apathy, consideration and thoughtfulness much more so than many people I know. You think things through and set goals. Give yourself a hug and an \"atta boy\". You sooooo deserve it. Asperger\'s will not become an excuse for non-control, that just isn\'t who you are. Big hugs, love ya.
When my son was 18 months old, he could climb in and out of his crib with ease. In fact the game was to throw everything out, climb out, then throw in all back in. Repeat 20 times.
We ended up with keyed locks (he could get through the childproof ones better than adults) on almost every room of the house.
He was 2 and 3 months when his sister was born. Two days home from the hospital, I caught he carrying her across the living room at 3 am....by her head. He ended up locked into his room after that, and I was afraid to put her into a crib, until she was big enough that I knew he could no longer lift her out...
In any case, for all of his climbing, he never once got more than a scrap. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for, and I bet that you are too!
Patti