How do I do this? I miss Kyla so much. I can't even believe this is real. My heart hurts so bad. I feel like I can't survive another day without her. I don't want to do anything, but sit on this couch and cry! I just want to hug her and see her beautiful smile. I want to hear her laugh again and her her say I love you.
Replies
I wish there was an answer for that question, its something I ask everyday and somehow it has been 361 days since Marissa\'s accident and I am still here. We all are surviving the best we can. Im so so sorry.
It is such a tragic loss and one that takes a long time to wrap your heart and mind around. It is so very normal to not have the energy to do anything as this grief path takes every ounce of our life force energy to navigate. I am SO terribly sorry that you are having to face this as its the worst loss a mother could ever face.
You are not alone on this lonely path and one of the things that helped me so much was to know that there was nothing \"wrong\" with me. Nothing anyone could \"fix\" or \"solve\" and I had to learn how to BE with my feelings so that I could heal.
I remember in one of my early grief books that I read the author said if a bereaved mother was hospitalized for her grief wounds she would be in the ICU on life support. It was such a vital visual for me because on the outside I might have looked \"okay\" yet inside I felt shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.
Just know that however you get through the day is what it needs to BE for now.
Your loss is so raw and the moms on ForMomsOnly encouraged and taught me to take one breath, moment and day at a time and not to look too far ahead.
I am still here 7 plus years later and not sure how I am, yet I just kept doing what they encouraged me to do. You will and can to and please believe this even though I know you simply cannot imagine ever living without your precious Kyla.
Hand in hand and Heart to heart with so much understanding,
Joanie
It has been six plus years for us since we lost our precious son. This is a hard and difficult loss and it just takes a long time before any semblance of normal appears again, if ever. Some call it a \"new normal\" because it is a long road learning to live without our precious children.
I want to say I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Kyla. The moms here are wonderful and for me, have been the only people besides immediately family, who have understood what I am going through. Here I have found new tools and ideas to help me cope with my loss, I have found understanding, and I have found strength and love when I most needed it. I am so sorry you have to join us on this journey.
Over time, this wound is not so raw but we each began in the same spot as you, wondering how we will ever get through this severe loss, but somehow we manage with the help of each other. As Joanie mentioned sometimes it is taking one step at a time and when that is too much, taking one breath at a time. That is enough for now, this is so new for you. Cry as you need, tears are cleansing and if you are like me, it is often hard to stop until you fall asleep. I wish there was a \"formula\" for getting through this but I don\'t know of one.
Sending love and tight hugs of compassion,
Leda
Dear Jody, The moms here are a testament to the survival after the greatest loss a mom can suffer but we were all right where you are now. Not being able to understand if we could survive this tragedy and not really caring if we did. I went to a grief counselor after Eddie died and she helped me. It was still an unbelievably painful process but the support helped. Coming here to write, screaming and crying in the shower. I also watched a lot of silly TV to keep my mind from racing. After a while I began to read books on grief, wrote in a journal, prayed for healing and talked a lot to Ed.
We all understand here and it is a safe place to let out all your pain, fear, anger etc. Take it a minute, an hour at a time. Hours will turn into days, days into weeks. For me, I structured my day to get up, shower, get dressed and make the bed. If I did nothing else it was ok but I needed that little bit of structure and control in my world that had just spun out of control. For me, a goal or two a day was helpful. But in the beginning I remember two days I just could not get out of bed and that was ok. Be gentle on yourself. Cry as much as you need to,rage if you need to. You are entitled to all these feelings. Just know you are not alone. We are by your side and understand how much you miss your precious Kyla. I am so very sorry. . Sending love and prayers, Linda, Ed\'s mom
I cry with you as I read your entry. I can vividly as any mother here can attest remember sitting there and feeling your exact emotions. How can I do this? How will I survive? How does life ever go on? You will hear so many responses and they will seem foreign and ones that you won\'t be able to believe in the beginning because it is just too painful to think that you can and will survive this loss. So I will tell you that grief involves suffering...physically, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. You are suffering right now and sadly it will continue. It is a \"work out\" like you\'ve never experienced but you CAN do this, you CAN survive this. We are here to help. One thing I remember from my counselor that helped immensely was when I asked If I would ever not cry again. He told me it was like waiting all night long for the sun to come up in the morning. You ask yourself in the cold dark night... \"is the sun up\"? The answer...\"no\'. A few hours later...\"is the sun up\"? The answer..\"no\". Still a couple more hours, you ask \"is the sun up yet\"? Still the answer is \"no\". Then you wait a bit longer and you ask one more time...\"is the sun up yet:? Finally the answer...\"yes the sun is beginning to come up\". It is just that gradual and it seems like an eternity, but these women are the best support system you will find. Please know you are loved and you can share anything with us because we understand. My heart breaks for you and I pray you find some comfort in the days ahead. Until then, there are so many wonderful words of advice from these amazing women so please remember you are never alone. Much love. Robin
Oh how each one of us reading your journal identifies and \"gets it\". The hole in your heart is a bottomless pitt right now and to even get out of bed takes such great effort. I am so sorry that you are on this journey.
It has been a little over 2 years since my Jennifer left this earth and there are days I am paralyzed with my emotions and pain. You have come to the right place - we understand and this group of moms are my life line.
((((hugs)))) Vicki
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. You are in the right place as all the Moms here understand and we will walk this path together. Peace. Kathy