bad day

Just one of those days that I could seriously cry at any moment. Ian has been a handful this week. I really am not cut out for being a SAHM. I love love love being a mom. But I cant handle day in and day out. Its hard. I day dream about working. I look at job openings just to look. I know I cant work right now especially not being 5 ½ month pregnant. I did our budget for this pay period and we are so so broke after everything gets paid that is a MUST. I look at the pile of Medical bills stacking up and just feel helpless. I am applying for help with the hospital but don’t expect to get any. We make way to much. But they don’t understand Ian has had 2 hospitalizations this year alone costing several thousand each all out of pocket after insurance. Im so depressed about not getting to do a nursery for this baby. I couldn’t do one for Ian because James left for training and I was so close to my due date I ha dto move in with my in-laws. We owns a freaking 3 bed room house that I feel in love with specifically for the “baby room” and I have yet to bring a baby into it. James has no clue what so ever. He is like well when we move you can. Not the same thing as working on it for months and getting it perfect before they get here. Im just lost and so so lonely. I have no one. Its me with my thought all the time. When james is home its us and Ian. Then ian goes to bed, james goes running comes home then takes a shower and goes to bed. I get no interaction with adults. I never get to do anything. Well Ian is up from his nap.