Just an update

Well I will be 10 weeks this week. And to be honest I still cant beleave it. It's like i know im pregnant, BOY do i feel pregnant with being super tired but It still has nothit me. I guess deep down i am still terrified. I still dont think its real or that I will have a baby at the end of this. I guess its because this is my 4th pregnancy and I dont know any different. I dont like feeling liek this I want ot behappy and excited but im just scared. All the time. If I lost the baby i think I would be ok because i have been expecting it all along and have not been able to bond what so ever with it.  Well that is i just wish I could be more excited. Maybe after I go in at 12 weeks and meet with my high risk doctor and get good test results i wil be able to beath easier and be happy.