2015
I haven't written in ages!!
So just a quick update as to where I am at.
Apparently, I am supposed to be 6 weeks 5 days today. I am still not convinced. I have had very few symptoms and am awaiting an ultrasound on Monday to see if there is a heartbeat. Once again, I am trying to prepare myself for the bad news with the comfort of having three frozen embryos waiting to be transferred if this one doesn't work out. I know it sounds heartless but I always have to have a back up plan and this time, this is it.
So 2014 wasn't a particularly good year. In fact, it was a massive pile of shite. (Excuse the French!) If I am completely honest, we were incredibly lucky to get our treatments and consults as quickly as we did...I guess both my husband and I had decided that we didn't want to muck around. So, for that, I am grateful. IF has put many of my relationships under huge amounts of strain, the most obvious one being with my husband...luckily, this bond seems to have strengthened. Some of my friendships, however have been lost to IF and whilst it is sad, I guess I have come to realise that maybe they weren't as significant as I thought they should be. Others, however, have blossomed and I have been so fortunate to stumble across this website and the many fantastic people on here who are so quick to be kind and understanding. It really restores my faith in the human spirit.
I approach this year with huge trepidation....what if there is no heartbeat on Monday??? How will I cope....wont that be the absolute worst start to the year possible!?
What about if I late miscarry? Wouldn't that be terrible too??? I wish that for once, I could approach this whole thing with carefree optimism, but I feel like IF has robbed me of that. In it's place, it has left an awful cynicism and constant pessimism. It has, however also given me insight into just how awful this condition is and allowed me to observe the kindness in strangers (once again on this site). I feel like I have changed considerably in the last year and have actually started to appreciate that I have a pain tolerance I never knew about. For that, I am grateful. I also have learnt that my husband is actually a saint and deserves a bravery medal for living with me.
Anyway, thats all for now. I hope that you all have a better 2015 than 2014 was for most of us.
So just a quick update as to where I am at.
Apparently, I am supposed to be 6 weeks 5 days today. I am still not convinced. I have had very few symptoms and am awaiting an ultrasound on Monday to see if there is a heartbeat. Once again, I am trying to prepare myself for the bad news with the comfort of having three frozen embryos waiting to be transferred if this one doesn't work out. I know it sounds heartless but I always have to have a back up plan and this time, this is it.
So 2014 wasn't a particularly good year. In fact, it was a massive pile of shite. (Excuse the French!) If I am completely honest, we were incredibly lucky to get our treatments and consults as quickly as we did...I guess both my husband and I had decided that we didn't want to muck around. So, for that, I am grateful. IF has put many of my relationships under huge amounts of strain, the most obvious one being with my husband...luckily, this bond seems to have strengthened. Some of my friendships, however have been lost to IF and whilst it is sad, I guess I have come to realise that maybe they weren't as significant as I thought they should be. Others, however, have blossomed and I have been so fortunate to stumble across this website and the many fantastic people on here who are so quick to be kind and understanding. It really restores my faith in the human spirit.
I approach this year with huge trepidation....what if there is no heartbeat on Monday??? How will I cope....wont that be the absolute worst start to the year possible!?
What about if I late miscarry? Wouldn't that be terrible too??? I wish that for once, I could approach this whole thing with carefree optimism, but I feel like IF has robbed me of that. In it's place, it has left an awful cynicism and constant pessimism. It has, however also given me insight into just how awful this condition is and allowed me to observe the kindness in strangers (once again on this site). I feel like I have changed considerably in the last year and have actually started to appreciate that I have a pain tolerance I never knew about. For that, I am grateful. I also have learnt that my husband is actually a saint and deserves a bravery medal for living with me.
Anyway, thats all for now. I hope that you all have a better 2015 than 2014 was for most of us.
Replies
Hey lady...IF makes you feel like a monster inside. Your ultrasound is going to blow your mind a healthy strong heartbeat will be there thumping away at you. Happy healthy pregnancy 2015
Take it one day at a time. Praying for a good, strong, healthy heartbeat on Monday and a much better 2015 for you.