confused

I just can't seem to get out of this confusion. I went to a healing Mass yesterday at our Church and this young Lady came in with her 2 young boys. She walked with a Cane and has very visible RA, really bad deformed Hands and Hips it really scared me alot to think this is what I might  be like years from now. She was is young. I do pray for her and her boy's . I know I need to stay on this Poison of a Drug, but can't help to think that there might be some natural thing out there, but I also hate to get into these flares that hurts so much that now I'm scared to get off the mtx. That's were my confusion comes in. I just don't know what to do. I am glad to be a part of DS though, because the advise and support from other RA sufferers is incrdible.I pray for all of us to find a cure soon. I want my old (young)Life back.