one day at a time
One day at a time. I have to keep telling myself this. I love this group and feel I’m not alone any more. I seriously don’t know how some of you have done this for 20 years. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in October 2013. Large cell lymphoma. That was a 16 day stay at the hospital. Then he started chemo and in January he had a bleeding ulcer, lost 6 units of blood. Killed over and was going through convulsions. He was seriously dead at that time.
He got fixed up and in March he passed out again. Had to call neighbor to help pick it up off the ground. The next day I took him to the hospital. They found his lung collapsed, had pneumonia and they induced him into a coma for 21 days. Then they did the tracheotomy so he could breathe. Entire stay 83 days in 3 different hospitals. He had to learn to breathe again, eat, talk and now he is learning to walk. This has been a living hell. I question why me. My DNA isn’t a caregiver, I’m not a nurse, I hate doing these things like emptying bed pans, giving diabetic shots, sorting the meds.
What is so sad is that all the work I’m doing may be for nothing because the cancer is growing so fast. They won’t give him chemo until he is stronger and he is so stubborn he wants to tell the physical therapist what to do. In his mind if he can walk again he’ll be fine, but that’s not true. He has to gain balance and strength (entire body) but all he wants is the physical therapist people to do is work on his legs. And he is really mean about his wants.
Thank you all for having this group, it is so nice to know I’m not alone.
He got fixed up and in March he passed out again. Had to call neighbor to help pick it up off the ground. The next day I took him to the hospital. They found his lung collapsed, had pneumonia and they induced him into a coma for 21 days. Then they did the tracheotomy so he could breathe. Entire stay 83 days in 3 different hospitals. He had to learn to breathe again, eat, talk and now he is learning to walk. This has been a living hell. I question why me. My DNA isn’t a caregiver, I’m not a nurse, I hate doing these things like emptying bed pans, giving diabetic shots, sorting the meds.
What is so sad is that all the work I’m doing may be for nothing because the cancer is growing so fast. They won’t give him chemo until he is stronger and he is so stubborn he wants to tell the physical therapist what to do. In his mind if he can walk again he’ll be fine, but that’s not true. He has to gain balance and strength (entire body) but all he wants is the physical therapist people to do is work on his legs. And he is really mean about his wants.
Thank you all for having this group, it is so nice to know I’m not alone.
Replies
Wishing you a feeling of peacefulness after getting all this off your chest. I hope the cancer slows down and your hubby finds the incentive to work with the therapists.
Big understanding hugs, Patricia :-)
My Caregiving situation is different than yours & I cannot imagine what you are going through. I can only offer my love & a shoulder to lean on when you need it. Just as Patricia said- I also pray your husband finds the inner strength to go to PT & to follow doctors orders.
And, I understand why you feel your efforts are all for naught, due to the severity of your husband\'s medical issues. I had the \"why me\" perspective, too. Every Caregiver by circumstance, like you & all of us in this group- are different from the folks who choose Caregiving as a profession. I personally had to come to a place of acceptance as a Caregiver to my husband. It is what it is & I cannot change it. Once I accepted Caregiving as my place for the here & now I finally felt better about myself. I know my situation won\'t be forever, so I\'ll do the best I can while I am in the Caregiving role. I\'ll feel a sense of pride as well- knowing I did my best under the circumstances. It\'s tough to see a glimmer of positive in all the negative- I respect that difficulty, too.
I\'ll say a prayer for peace in your heart.
Much Love & Many Hugs, my friend-
MelodyJane