How is it possible to have gone through years or total abuse with silent treatments, financial neglect, lies, bullying, finally getting the courage to file for divorce, go through almost two years of proceedings, courts, money, while he remained in the house, and be divorced for a full year and still hurt and miss him? I am so disgusted with myself that this man, and the damage run so deep inside me that I have yet to move on.
And I am so jealous that he did. Oh, he calls occassionally and pretends that he is alone, when infact his new girlfriend lives with him at least half of the week. I see her, she is in my neighborhood although he has moved an hour away. I stare at her, and picture them together and see how she things she hit the Jackpot. Well I thought that too. I thought I was the safest person ever in this man's arms. I trusted him, believed in him, hung on every word, but everything was a lie.
He bought a house, and designed it exactly like the house we had. It looks like a palace, and since he is in construction, this was a very simple task to do in 6 months. He takes her dancing, washes her car, cares for her two dogs, and he already has one of his own. My cat had to stay down a basement for 10 years. But yes, he pretended when we were dating that the cat was so cute.
He got a korvette, and another new daily car. He lost 30 pounds, and even got a face lift. He smiles alot, and I just feel sick to my stomach, that this cruel, cruel man, just goes on. Where is the Karma?
I keep waiting for the Karma. how revengeful am I?
And I am so jealous that he did. Oh, he calls occassionally and pretends that he is alone, when infact his new girlfriend lives with him at least half of the week. I see her, she is in my neighborhood although he has moved an hour away. I stare at her, and picture them together and see how she things she hit the Jackpot. Well I thought that too. I thought I was the safest person ever in this man's arms. I trusted him, believed in him, hung on every word, but everything was a lie.
He bought a house, and designed it exactly like the house we had. It looks like a palace, and since he is in construction, this was a very simple task to do in 6 months. He takes her dancing, washes her car, cares for her two dogs, and he already has one of his own. My cat had to stay down a basement for 10 years. But yes, he pretended when we were dating that the cat was so cute.
He got a korvette, and another new daily car. He lost 30 pounds, and even got a face lift. He smiles alot, and I just feel sick to my stomach, that this cruel, cruel man, just goes on. Where is the Karma?
I keep waiting for the Karma. how revengeful am I?
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WHY DO I STILL FEEL LOVE FOR HIM
Sandra Brown, M.A. the well known American writer on Pathology and pathological men, often writes and talks about how hard it is for women to get over a relationship with a pathological man.
A pathological man creates such an illusion of normality initially, of forming a deep connection with you, of being sane and great fun. We think that we are getting a man who is decent and caring, someone who truly values you, and who finds you to be the most special woman they have ever met.
Women often initially also experience this full on \'couldn\'t be any better\', ticks all the boxes, honeymoon stage, with Narcissists, antisocials, sociopaths and other personality disordered\'s. Men who can be given these labels and who have traits belonging to some or all of them, often woo women with various false behaviours that convince us that they are genuinely good and we experience most of what they project as being extremely positive.
Of course we see this passion and connection, as real love and feel drawn to how great it all is. We feel like we have found our true love, and real passion and romance. Even when we end up discovering that it is all an illusion, we can find it very difficult to believe that none of those things were ever real or true, and that instead we were being presented with a fake charmer, who really only ever saw us as supply and something to control.
Despite experiencing much subsequent and often totally unacceptable behaviours, abuse and heartbreak, women can still miss what they thought they had. Memories of the faade, and glimpses of the good guy in between the heartbreaking behaviours and abusive episodes persist, and we can refuse to acknowledge that we got it all wrong. That the \'good\' guy in fact never existed, and that he was in truth only a \'pretend\' hes good guy.
The memories of the fake \'good guy\' can continue to fuel the initial illusion and fantasy, of him being innately a good guy long after we have much proof that he is in fact a cruel and empathy less and viciously mean excuse for a human being. We can convince ourselves that he is really the man we fell in love with. Many women remain deeply convinced that the relationship was, and still could be, the most fantastic love relationship of their lives.
The more we believe in the illusion, the more we feel tied to the belief.
The illusion is that: He was normal He was in love with you He was what he said he was and he did was really what he said and did. Or what he said he did. Or at least he was capable of real love, if only he had help or if he had a better childhood etc etc..
The real truth is, that their form of attachment, is superficial and totally lacks truth (which is not love). They are in truth incapable of empathy and love. (Which is far from normal).
What you really miss is the warm illusion of the charmer being real and of having really loved you. The emotional pain is coming from your belief in the illusion and the ongoing hope that it was real.
When you fully get that it was all an illusion. The truth then finally, sets you free..
His new supply (Victim) has the illusion...and believe me...Karma may take its time...but with Mr. Illusion....the truth ALWAYS comes out in the end...and Karma will strike him...or else his \'supply\' will end up leaving..or living in a living hell..