So yesterday I found out that "J", I shall call him, has decided to start a relationship with the 23 year old girl that he had cheated on me with. As of June 16th. Unfortunately that date is now stuck in my head. The date that he officially facebooked his relationship status with her. In public print, no longer with me. I shouldn't be upset because he's technically moved on twice with 2 different girls(she being one of them) that I know of during the 5 year that we were together. But it hurts more than I expected.
I want to write about how much I hate her. About the red flags that I pushed aside when he came home late without letting me know. Where else would he be. . I think about how young and pretty she is. She doesn't have to wear makeup to look that way, the way he would ask me to wear makeup more often. She has the energy to fill his missing void because she's 20 and full of life. Not tired and drained after 4 ten hour shifts and a wedding packed weekend of the business I built myself. He said once he liked trashy, well she looks trashy everyday with her goddamn tattoos all over her body.
That's the only thing I can think of. She's young, very pretty, trashy sexy, full of life, hangs out with same group of friends and talk the same lingo. Will this last? 
After all the abuse he put me through, why do I still want him back?