Today

Feeling very suicidal, just feel this immense sadness. I find solitude has turned into loneliness and 90% of my lust for any form of life has withered. Trying to find inspiration and projects to focus on, but reaching dead-ends. I've let way too many people down and promised things I couldn't follow through with. Good intentions have resulted in a bad ending. Or just indifference from others'. And I resonate with them, cannot argue anything, just don't really feel things are ever going to turn around. My own psychiatrist has said she won'tsee me fora month because I havenot gone to appointments. Again,I can't argue. Fired by my psych's receptionist. Told I'll burn in hell by my family. Told I am too honest and loud by people I thought I was friendly with. Addicted to my own medication and would rather sleep away the weekends than walk outside. It's a familiar story, all too much. Wearing a mask has become so fucking boring and tiresome. Fighting the Good Fight needs to come to some sort of conclusion, no more tools to fight with and the reason for the battle has become blurred.