Trying to stay busy - yesterday decided I would start decorating for Christmas not too much this year - but I guess I had a little Christmas charm going on. So - I started pulling out some green doillies and low and behold in the drawer - tucked behind the box were three backs of cigarettes - who knows how long they were there - I had a full-blown anxiety attack - started to sweat - wheeze and I was panicking - I wanted them more than anything else in life - who would know - I can stop again - just one puff - they have to be there for a reason. I felt dizzy like I was on a merry-go-round. I sat down and took breaths - I thought of all the things I want to do and it was Christmas and how I love the smells of Winter; the pine, cookies baking, fresh air, wet snow, wet snow dog. I drowned the cigarettes - I ripped them apart - like a wild animal and threw them in the garbage and sprinkled comet on them just in case they became alive again. I killed them. I was not going to write about this - but I was frightened when I found them. I am learning this addiction does not just go away, its insidious and I am learning to live without cigarettes is simple - just don't smoke - simple but hard. The good news is I did not smoke today.
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see you are strong . i dont know what you are going thru . but i do have some of the health problems from second hand smoke.
Thank you for sharing your honest reactions and feelings Ree. Perhaps it will enlighten others as to the absolute addiction for cigarettes. This is horrible and the thing I find hardest to deal with is, those cravings just won\'t go away. So instead of sucking it up and BEing strong I give in to my hunger again, and again and again. I hate needless suffering! You are really doing wonderful and should be so proud of your accomplishment. You are facing that demon head on and staying in control. I admire you in so many ways. No pressure, just love and total empathy. BE WELL my little flower blossom, BE WELL.