Day 4

I didn't sleep last night. I did anything I could to distract myself, but in the end I was engulfed with the pain that I had put off feeling. I'm numb now. I bet if someone were to hit me, I wouldn't care. I feel as if someone died not that someone left. My grief has taken over. I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel yet. I wish i could wish it all away. I wish I could close my eyes and not feel any love for him. 
He has made it look like it's easy. He sleeps fine every night, I don't think he's skipped a meal, he goes to work and laughs with all his friends. I bet he's partied every night. I'm slowly dying inside and he just smiles. I don't know how to deal with this. It hurts so much just to think of tomorrow without him.