Yesterday
Yesterday I was expecting my mother to come for a visit, but instead I got a phone call that my 97 year old grandmother had a stroke and was doing very poorly, and the prognosis of recovery is slim. So my mother stayed up north with her instead.
It is a long drive for me but I am considering going this weekend, if she lasts that long. Then I fear getting there and that she passes and I have an extra 10 hours of driving to do going back and forth. I want to see her, well I thought I did...but my mom says she won't know my voice and that I will just agitate her more, as is everyone right now. She is totally blind, so seeing me is not possible. Not sure I do want to see her in this condition.
It is heartwrenching.
Then I get home to find my divorce papers in the mailbox, which upon reading, sent me into a deeper funk.
And I am pretty broke right now. And sad and anxious.
I will get the divorce papers signed and notarized as soon as possible, and toss that envelope into the mail (with the apt "Forever" stamp on it) and some words of a sort will be spoken to the universe as I drop it into the mail.
Yesterday was craptastic for sure.
Praying for relief on any front for everyone.
It is a long drive for me but I am considering going this weekend, if she lasts that long. Then I fear getting there and that she passes and I have an extra 10 hours of driving to do going back and forth. I want to see her, well I thought I did...but my mom says she won't know my voice and that I will just agitate her more, as is everyone right now. She is totally blind, so seeing me is not possible. Not sure I do want to see her in this condition.
It is heartwrenching.
Then I get home to find my divorce papers in the mailbox, which upon reading, sent me into a deeper funk.
And I am pretty broke right now. And sad and anxious.
I will get the divorce papers signed and notarized as soon as possible, and toss that envelope into the mail (with the apt "Forever" stamp on it) and some words of a sort will be spoken to the universe as I drop it into the mail.
Yesterday was craptastic for sure.
Praying for relief on any front for everyone.
Replies
Hi Amy, sorry about your grandma, she has lived a good long life and I wish you could be with her, I bet that is a struggle for you to decide whether to go or not. I can see both sides of it..........whether you go or not, just know that she knows how you feel about her and you know how she feels about you. Sometimes that is enough. And you\'re right, it may be better remembering her as she was, tough call.
It is sad seeing the divorce papers, it kind makes us face reality, that these stupid divorces are really happening. I\'ve yet to go get my certified copy, I know I need to but I just find the energy to get them. I don\'t even know when my divorce was finalized. I\'m getting really good at avoiding life. I do enough to get by but I\'m really not going anywhere, just existing. I\'m afraid I will melt down and not be able to come back, if you know what I mean.....
Money? Yay, I\'m broke too, sucks., no relief in site....very overwhelming for sure.
I will never look at another \"forever\" stamp the same way again, sigh.
Sending you hugs and happy thoughts of grandma your way~
Thanks for your kind words yougo...tough times indeed.
We are both survivors and we will get through the dark days and nights...in time.
I can tell from your posts how strong and caring a person you are.
So I truly appreciate your thoughts.
Hugs to you.
Hey there Amy
Sorry about your grandmother - I know how heart wrenching that feels to be worried about seeing her that way. My grandmother stopped eating before she died and I was advised not to come, since she was not in a good way and had severe dementia. It breaks your heart, but if it will only agitate her, possibly best you don\'t, especially with a stroke. As yougospam said above, she has lived a good life.
At least your divorce has now come through. You need some closure with this, so it is a positive and it will allow you to move on with your life Amy. I know you are feeling pretty messed up right now, and really all you can do is try to take one thing at a time and handle what you can handle. Wishing you the best with all this. Message me if you need to if I can give you support. G
I\'m sorry to hear this Amy, you\'re a great person and deserve some happiness. This whole year has been one steaming pile hasn\'t it? 2015 can\'t get here soon enough. Hope things start looking up for you. Take care
I\'m sorry about your grandmother. Everything seems to hit the fan at once. Sending you some strength.
Hi, Amy. I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. Please remember to take care of yourself during this time. I know it doesn\'t seem like it now, but things will improve. Stay strong and I will be thinking of you.
So sorry about your grandmother. Sometimes endings in our lives happen all at once..you have better days ahead. Thinking of you and sending healing energy to you.
I would like to individually thank all of you for your support but I am of so little energy right now. I am trying hard to take care of myself right now, and consider things carefully.
I so appreciate your support and am sending love to all of you wonderful people.
Sugar, Apologies for tardiness, message if you need to vent, Love----sending you much love and peace. xo