Hi! I read this letter yesterday, and had a completely different reaction than I think I should have...
I will share more about my current situation and reaction later but for now, I just want to say this...
For the last few weeks/months I have been struggling with whether or not I am an alcoholic/addict...I never thought I had a problem...and I still don't think I do...I do struggle with other things...like procrastination, and being right and knowing everything and wanting to control everything...but I don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs...never have, never will...I know the problems associated with those...
My husband on the other hand, is a life-long addict who does nothing to work on his problem but ignore it...and I love my husband...and I have no intention of ever leaving my husband because he is an addict...but the hurt and pain that I have endured as a result of his being an addict has been enough to bring me down to where I am today...
I am never completely happy...with anything...I can't finish anything that I start...I struggle with feelings of FRUSTRATION, FATIGUE, FAILURE, and FEAR...which tend to lead to a severe struggle with depression...and I know what I am struggling with because I was struggling with it four years ago this very day when Hurricane Ike hit...but I am good at hiding it...kind of.
Over the last five months I have pushed everything and everyone that matters to me out of my life...some for the good some for the bad...but I have still managed to get back down to where it is just me, myself and I...and struggling with this severe unhappiness...I go to church...I go to my open share meetings, step study meetings, and I volunteer at a health clinic for 4 hours a week...but other than that I just sit at home and waste away in gloom, despair and agony...WHY....why do I do this to myself...
This was just a quick look into the millions of thoughts floating around in my brain for the last five months...if you go back and read my past journal entries you will find more of the same...for now, I'll just leave you with this short glimpse...and hopefully later, I can come back and write on what I think was my strange reaction to this letter. Bye for now!
I will share more about my current situation and reaction later but for now, I just want to say this...
For the last few weeks/months I have been struggling with whether or not I am an alcoholic/addict...I never thought I had a problem...and I still don't think I do...I do struggle with other things...like procrastination, and being right and knowing everything and wanting to control everything...but I don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs...never have, never will...I know the problems associated with those...
My husband on the other hand, is a life-long addict who does nothing to work on his problem but ignore it...and I love my husband...and I have no intention of ever leaving my husband because he is an addict...but the hurt and pain that I have endured as a result of his being an addict has been enough to bring me down to where I am today...
I am never completely happy...with anything...I can't finish anything that I start...I struggle with feelings of FRUSTRATION, FATIGUE, FAILURE, and FEAR...which tend to lead to a severe struggle with depression...and I know what I am struggling with because I was struggling with it four years ago this very day when Hurricane Ike hit...but I am good at hiding it...kind of.
Over the last five months I have pushed everything and everyone that matters to me out of my life...some for the good some for the bad...but I have still managed to get back down to where it is just me, myself and I...and struggling with this severe unhappiness...I go to church...I go to my open share meetings, step study meetings, and I volunteer at a health clinic for 4 hours a week...but other than that I just sit at home and waste away in gloom, despair and agony...WHY....why do I do this to myself...
This was just a quick look into the millions of thoughts floating around in my brain for the last five months...if you go back and read my past journal entries you will find more of the same...for now, I'll just leave you with this short glimpse...and hopefully later, I can come back and write on what I think was my strange reaction to this letter. Bye for now!
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