I am so frustrated today. It feels like I'm the only one in my family who cares about getting things organized. I know that's not really true, but I am so frustrated.
SL is going on a 2 week trip with her grandparents. She is leaving in about an hour. And I had to tell her and tell her to finish packing and take her shower. There are just too many other things she would rather be doing, like chatting with friends on Facebook.
C asked to get the sewing machine out, and I said yes. I also told her to take a shower soon after lunch. Two hours later, I told her again. Two hours later, I had to strictly tell her to do it right then. She had been sitting playing on the iPad, and I also asked her if she was done with the sewing machine. She said yes, so I told her to clean it up once she's done showering. She gave an aggravated sigh, so I banged the door with my elbow and said, "What?!" "NOTHING!" I gave her a lecture through the bathroom door about cleaning up after herself. I really want to take away all of her privileges. I know that's an emotional response, but I HATE CHAOS.
Last night, T and I had a kind of hard talk about how I'm really not doing well with this transitory stage in our new house. I don't have any place to put my freaking socks. I want so much to have a neat house. I want so much to have order. I hate chaos. I hate disorder. But no one else seems to care. T and C sometimes even seem to LIKE it. Shoot me now.
Thinking of how I'm going to deal with everyone gives me a small urge to cut. I want control of the situation. I want order. I want to not blow up at people.
What I REALLY want is for me to not be the only person who tries to keep things clean and tidy.
I don't want to watch TV tonight. That's all T and I ever do. I am tired of TV. I want to go dancing. There's no place to dance tonight, though. Friday is our first chance.
T is talking about postponing the trip back to MS until next Wednesday. He was supposed to go two weeks ago, then last week, then this week. Yes, I really, really want storage, but I hate the limbo state and feeling like we're inconveniencing the people who are letting us borrow the shed. We need to get our stuff out of their way so I can cut all ties with that place.
I wish so much I'd been able to finish sorting and packing and didn't have to store anything there. I hate myself for that. I am afraid T hates me too, but I'm not letting myself listen to that too much.
What am I going to do tonight?
Tonight C is supposed to make dinner. I hope she doesn't freak out about anything. I hate freak outs.
I don't have enough work to do right now. There are no big projects. I'm squandering time. I feel like a huge slacker. I hate feeling that way. I want to feel productive. I wish I could... quit? Go back to the office? No, not really, but sort of. I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel happy and useful and productive and like what I do matters. At work and at home. I'm not sure I'm any good at being a mom. I don't want to get into that right now. I just... I don't even know what I want. BLEAGH.
SL is going on a 2 week trip with her grandparents. She is leaving in about an hour. And I had to tell her and tell her to finish packing and take her shower. There are just too many other things she would rather be doing, like chatting with friends on Facebook.
C asked to get the sewing machine out, and I said yes. I also told her to take a shower soon after lunch. Two hours later, I told her again. Two hours later, I had to strictly tell her to do it right then. She had been sitting playing on the iPad, and I also asked her if she was done with the sewing machine. She said yes, so I told her to clean it up once she's done showering. She gave an aggravated sigh, so I banged the door with my elbow and said, "What?!" "NOTHING!" I gave her a lecture through the bathroom door about cleaning up after herself. I really want to take away all of her privileges. I know that's an emotional response, but I HATE CHAOS.
Last night, T and I had a kind of hard talk about how I'm really not doing well with this transitory stage in our new house. I don't have any place to put my freaking socks. I want so much to have a neat house. I want so much to have order. I hate chaos. I hate disorder. But no one else seems to care. T and C sometimes even seem to LIKE it. Shoot me now.
Thinking of how I'm going to deal with everyone gives me a small urge to cut. I want control of the situation. I want order. I want to not blow up at people.
What I REALLY want is for me to not be the only person who tries to keep things clean and tidy.
I don't want to watch TV tonight. That's all T and I ever do. I am tired of TV. I want to go dancing. There's no place to dance tonight, though. Friday is our first chance.
T is talking about postponing the trip back to MS until next Wednesday. He was supposed to go two weeks ago, then last week, then this week. Yes, I really, really want storage, but I hate the limbo state and feeling like we're inconveniencing the people who are letting us borrow the shed. We need to get our stuff out of their way so I can cut all ties with that place.
I wish so much I'd been able to finish sorting and packing and didn't have to store anything there. I hate myself for that. I am afraid T hates me too, but I'm not letting myself listen to that too much.
What am I going to do tonight?
Tonight C is supposed to make dinner. I hope she doesn't freak out about anything. I hate freak outs.
I don't have enough work to do right now. There are no big projects. I'm squandering time. I feel like a huge slacker. I hate feeling that way. I want to feel productive. I wish I could... quit? Go back to the office? No, not really, but sort of. I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel happy and useful and productive and like what I do matters. At work and at home. I'm not sure I'm any good at being a mom. I don't want to get into that right now. I just... I don't even know what I want. BLEAGH.
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