Sara

I don't want to bring up a topic that's even MORE painful and difficult than miscarriage, but I just heard that the Fleetwood Mac song 'Sara' is about a baby that Stevie Nicks aborted. 
No matter what decision she made or why, I think it's beautiful that she wrote a song for her child.  I have trouble even believing or admitting that I had a child, especially now that it's been so many months since I lost her. I notice myself saying things like "I had a miscarriage" instead of "I lost a child". And just saying or thinking the words "my baby" makes me feel so sad. I think part of me wants to pretend that nothing too terrible happened. I feel like I need to apologize to the world somehow. I feel like other people are real parents who lost real children, and I'm just some woman who couldn't keep a pregnancy.
The other part of me never wants to let go of being sad because it means becoming even more distant from my baby. I don't want to say goodbye. I feel like if I stop crying for her than somehow she really won't exist or won't matter to anyone. I know it's illogical. 
It feels so weird when the world won't acknowledge that there was ever a baby in the first place. I wish I could be like Stevie Nicks and write a song for her. I still feel like I'm her mother, I need to do something for her.