Yesterday I went to see a Bhikkhu and had my first experience with meditation. I absolutely loved the experience and learned so much from the class that followed. I learned that the spiritual connection that I am having with you is not uncommon. Many widows and widowers have a close spiritual connection with their spouses that have passed away. The connection between individuals can stay very strong on many different realms.  Many times a spirit will stay because they are worried about their loved ones are they simply are not ready to brake the bond of closeness .   It is like everything that I ever believed to be impossible is now possible. In fact it is probable.
Life has changed so dramatically for me in the six months sense your passing. In some ways it seems that I am a totally different person . My perspective on what is important has changed. What use to seem hard has suddenly become easy, and the things that were easy are now unnecessary.   I have simply stopped sweating the small stuff.  
My new relationship is going well, with us both taking it slowly and guarding our emotions and well as our independence. We are both strong individuals with strong views and strong opinions.  What we do have in common, however, is mutual respect and the desire to have a place to call home.   Am I in love? To some degree I am. Am I desperately in love? Not yet. Does it feel good to know that I can open my heart and not compare him to you. Yes. Yes. Yes.   It feels amazing.
The house renovations are almost done and things are settling down to my new normal. The gray skies have moved in and the rain has replaced the sunshine on the majority of days. I have found that the gray does not bother me as it did In the beginning of my life without you. You and I have both always loved the sound of the rain of the roof and the windows. That love still remains.
In two weeks the girls and I are having your celebration of life. There is a sadness in knowing that this is the last thing that I will ever do for you in the physical world. It has taken me six months to be able to plan this celebration , to write you eulogy and to invite family and friends to share mine and the children’s end of life stories.  I know it must be done, and we are planning to do it beautifully.   The celebration will end with dozens on Chinese flight lanterns lifting in unison to the heavens. Silent prayers will be said tears will be shed, and in one joined voice we will all say  goodbye to our dear sweet Michael and congratulations of a life well lived.
 
I love you
Me