Today I woke up with a strong sense of self. For the first time sense your passing I know what it feels like to feel at peace again. The memories of you, of us, have made the transition between bitter sweet to sweet it seems overnight. My self-confidence is back and I feel like I could take on the world.
Do I miss you. Yes. Do I long to hear you, smell you, touch and be touched by you. Yes. That will never change. Your memory has become a part of my DNA, you are have become a part of my genetic makeup. You occupy my soul. I am now your story teller, I am your voice. I am the women that you loved.
The grief adventure that I am on, has been like none other. I have never experienced such an emotional roller coater in my life. I have never knew I was capable of such an array of emotions, I never knew I was capable of such fear.
I remember lying on the bedroom floor and screaming for God to help me. I screamed till my voice was gone. I remember how the cold wood under my head helped to deadened my headache and I remember feeling numb. I woke with my hand cramped from holding on to your driver’s license tightly in my sleep. I had slept with your favorite thermal shirt under my head and found it wet with my tears. I found myself wishing for death. I found myself alone.
When looking back at those horrible first weeks after your death, I am nothing but amazed how far I have come. My healing began when I became appreciative. I thanked God for every second that you had been a part of my life. I thanked God for friends and family and all of those who were walking this journey with me. I was being carried, I was never alone. I was blessed.
In two weeks we are having your celebration of life. I am now ready to share my grief and take on the grief of others. I am ready to tell you story and I am ready to share your legacy. My dear sweet. kind loving Michael, I love you so much, and thank God that you graced my life. I promise to live my life fully and completely. I promise to never take one day for granted and to hold the things that you have taught me close to my heart. I promise to live for both of us.
I will never forget.
Me
Do I miss you. Yes. Do I long to hear you, smell you, touch and be touched by you. Yes. That will never change. Your memory has become a part of my DNA, you are have become a part of my genetic makeup. You occupy my soul. I am now your story teller, I am your voice. I am the women that you loved.
The grief adventure that I am on, has been like none other. I have never experienced such an emotional roller coater in my life. I have never knew I was capable of such an array of emotions, I never knew I was capable of such fear.
I remember lying on the bedroom floor and screaming for God to help me. I screamed till my voice was gone. I remember how the cold wood under my head helped to deadened my headache and I remember feeling numb. I woke with my hand cramped from holding on to your driver’s license tightly in my sleep. I had slept with your favorite thermal shirt under my head and found it wet with my tears. I found myself wishing for death. I found myself alone.
When looking back at those horrible first weeks after your death, I am nothing but amazed how far I have come. My healing began when I became appreciative. I thanked God for every second that you had been a part of my life. I thanked God for friends and family and all of those who were walking this journey with me. I was being carried, I was never alone. I was blessed.
In two weeks we are having your celebration of life. I am now ready to share my grief and take on the grief of others. I am ready to tell you story and I am ready to share your legacy. My dear sweet. kind loving Michael, I love you so much, and thank God that you graced my life. I promise to live my life fully and completely. I promise to never take one day for granted and to hold the things that you have taught me close to my heart. I promise to live for both of us.
I will never forget.
Me
Replies
Wow! Right on girl! You will make it and you will be happy again! I am so proud of how far you have come and how very strong you are after all you have been through! I am the strongest I have ever been in my life and it feels good.
Enjoy today! Hugs to you- Joni
I am in awe at how swiftly you are healing. I wish you all the happiness in the world, you and all of us deserve it.
Hugs, Sandi
Sassiesoftail
I am very pleased that I have done well sense Michael\'s passing. I give my healing to God\'s hands. You are right, we all deserve to do well and to be happy. Our loved ones would not want it any other way.