Dear sweet husband I found myself flirting yesterday. I was totally flirting. My first response was a feeling of guilt. I felt somehow I was betraying not only you but myself as well. At times I wish there was a guide book for widows with clearly defined rules. It seems as if it would keep me from second guessing myself. OK, I know you are rolling your eyes at the thought of me following a rulebook, and as far as the flirting goes, you would totally approve. Odd isn’t it that my heart feels totally married where my reality tells me I am not.
For the first time sense your passing I am feeling a sense of normal. I get out of bed and go about my routine. I shop and cook for one, do two loads of laundry a week as opposed to four, and keep myself organized instead of depending on you to do it for me. I feed the dogs and make sure they have fresh water. All normal things which seemed so hard to do just a few weeks ago. Oh so hard.
To say that I don’t miss you would be totally untrue. I will always miss you. You have shaped my life and helped to mold me into the women that I have become. You believed in me when I doubted myself, you never failed to encourage me to test my limits, and you comforted me when I needed you most.
It has been over three months sense your passing. My greatest fear was that I would forget the way you smelled, the feel of your breath on my skin or the sound of your laugh. Foolish me, the very essence of you lives inside me and in the gestures and features of our children . Brianna has your imagination and the seriousness that comes from being a deep thinker. Danner is your spitting image, who not only looks like you but shares your sense of humor and joyful way of seeing the world. Ryan like you is kind and caring and knows that the real strength of a man is measured by his integrity. You see sweet Michael you remain with us all not only is your spirit but in your legacy. We are never alone. Never.
Dear sweet husband I found myself flirting yesterday, and you know what, I will probably do it again. Your smiling aren’t you?
I love you.
Me
For the first time sense your passing I am feeling a sense of normal. I get out of bed and go about my routine. I shop and cook for one, do two loads of laundry a week as opposed to four, and keep myself organized instead of depending on you to do it for me. I feed the dogs and make sure they have fresh water. All normal things which seemed so hard to do just a few weeks ago. Oh so hard.
To say that I don’t miss you would be totally untrue. I will always miss you. You have shaped my life and helped to mold me into the women that I have become. You believed in me when I doubted myself, you never failed to encourage me to test my limits, and you comforted me when I needed you most.
It has been over three months sense your passing. My greatest fear was that I would forget the way you smelled, the feel of your breath on my skin or the sound of your laugh. Foolish me, the very essence of you lives inside me and in the gestures and features of our children . Brianna has your imagination and the seriousness that comes from being a deep thinker. Danner is your spitting image, who not only looks like you but shares your sense of humor and joyful way of seeing the world. Ryan like you is kind and caring and knows that the real strength of a man is measured by his integrity. You see sweet Michael you remain with us all not only is your spirit but in your legacy. We are never alone. Never.
Dear sweet husband I found myself flirting yesterday, and you know what, I will probably do it again. Your smiling aren’t you?
I love you.
Me
Replies
My goodness, how reading your journal, is like looking in a mirror. So much of what you have written seems to sound so familiar. The guilt, the heart feeling married, but the true reality saying otherwise. We go about our daily business and deal with this new normality. We\'ll continue to confront the new challenges and deal with them in the best way possible, thats right for us. Take care :)
Its hard going thru normal life.....but, life goes on. We have to go on. I don\'t want to at time. I would do it again.......need a \"do over\". Have a good day. Flirt some more . Lots of hugs. Colleen
Flirt some for me. I can\'t bring myself to even make eye contact with men. In the grocery store a man was kind of staring at me, I walked away with tears in my eyes thinking \"I\'m still someone\'s wife\". It\'s stupid I know and I feel stupid writing it. I don\'t want this, to be alone and to feel vulnerable. I feel like an open sore. I want to think that one day I can feel alive again. I would love to think that I could flirt too one day....until then flirt for me please. Do it girl. Write about it here, tell us more importantly who is flirting back and how.
Love
C
Cindy you are a beautiful women with a kind and gentle spirit
god has a plan for you and your children that will lead to nothing less than a happy home and loving marrige. Time is on your side. God is waiting for your heart to mend and then the joy will come.