Did better today.  Reasoned with myself and worked out some of my issues.  And now for the big news I am subcontracting the pool area by myself.  Today I hired the contractor to do the excavating.   He is also going to pull out the blackberry bushes on the back of the house so it cab be painted. In addition I am having a concrete pad poured under the deck if the additional cost isn't to high..  Brianna and Alex are coming to get the hot tub.  I just don't want anything that requires a lot of maintenance.  It is my hope that I will be able to keep the yard up once everything has been put into correct order.  
Danner sent me a picture of you and her when you lived in Germany.  So adorable.  I didn't quiet understand your crazy haircut but in your defense you were in the Air Force and had very limited styling choices.  Danner, her husband and I are going to a baseball game in Seattle in August.  Should be fun.  I should ask Brianna and Alex too.
I am going to see aunt Donna Thursday.  I need some family time.  Donna and Dean miss their Charlie and are in a total state of disbelief.  Both of them loved you so much and assured me that I was just what you needed in your life.  I needed to hear that.
Sara is still insisting I keep busy and is having me hang out with her mom and stepfather tomorrow while they are visiting from Arizona.  It was just a few years that her mom was widowed.  Sara was so pleased when her mother remarried and is very fond of her stepfather.  I am happy she feels she is home again.
I long to feel home again when it is time.  I love you.
Me