I'm just getting in from work. I'm not having a good day. I'm not having a good month. Now my own auto insurance company wants to screw me. They don't want to pay for my loss because the traffic report had epilepsy on it, like I had a seizure during my wreck. I honestly don't believe that I had a seizure. In the meantime, I'm out of a car and having to depend on others for a ride where I need to go. Plus they are asking for all kinds of medical history about me. I don't think that's any of their business. They are wanting me to provide all medical records from all doctors I've seen from way back. After a clean driving record for 8 years, they want all this from me. I think I need to show these papers to a lawyer and see what my rights are. Plus I went to my OB/GYN for a pap smear. I've been having mood swings. Probably hormones. So they did some blood work on that. Well, with all the shit I'm going through, I guess so I'm extremely upset. I go from fits of rage: breaking and throwing things, yelling and screaming, hitting walls, etc. Then the next minute I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I can't take this anymore. I'm losing my sanity. I've lost my religion and my sobriety is all I have left. I know things could be worse, and sometimes I wish I would have just died in the wreck. I'm so tired of bad luck, and fighting for a better life. I'm sick to death of this black cloud that seems to be following me. I know I'm lucky I survived, but I just don't think I'm strong enough to endure all of this and I don't know from one day to the next how I will get by. Everyday, something else seems to go wrong and things get worse for me. I pray, cry and throw fits all day long, from one extreme to another. And like another member mentioned in her journal, I haven't been very supportive to my friends here in the group. I do feel for everyone who is dealing with their own shit, and I pray for all of us to get through whatever we are dealing with at the time. After the divorce and the $300. debit from my checking account for my ex-husband's bill, I was hoping for a better summer this year. No such luck. I thought the divorce was a rough thing to go through. This shit with my car and the insurance company is...I just don't have the words to describe how horrible this all is. I have no car, my insurance doesn't want to pay, I have to depend on others for rides, I'm not independent anymore. That kinda screws things up for me.