I'm not even out of one hole when something else comes up. This one is big. Monday evening on my way to work, I was in an accident.  I have no idea what happened. I was driving along with my cruise control set, listening to the radio, when I started having an anxiety attack.  Didn't think nothing of it because I have them all the time. One minute I'm driving on the road, the next, I'm in a ditch.  Not only did I run off the road, I slammed into a telephone pole going 70 mph. Absolutely no recollection of it. My air bag was deployed and my door was open. I just get out of my car like any other day. There's an ambulance waiting to take me to the hospital. They check my blood pressure and check me for diabetes. Everything is fine. We are all trying to figure out a reason for the crash. I am taken to the hospital and after x-rays, more blood tests, and an eeg, the doctor comes in. Says I'm low on Dilantin (for seizures). My level should be between 10-12. It's 1!.  I have been under incredible stress the week before, but I took my medicine. If I would have had a seizure, no way would I have been able to get out of  the car by myself, much less be lucid enough to think and talk. I get a ticket for improper lane usage which is $141.00. Plus my car is towed to a wrecking yard. $$$$$ by the day. The expenses just add up.  I'm frantic about calling my boss. He told me to take the week off and rest. Now I'm out of a car, AGAIN. I'm out of work for a whole week. Bills are coming in. The doctor checks for alcohol also and street drugs. No way! Besides the low level of Dilantin, I'm clean as a whistle. My mom and brother come to the emergency room and 3 hours later, I get to go home. Mom insists I stay with her, which I surrender for her peace of mind. But that leaves my dog home alone for the next 2 days. I'm so angry at God. I've only had my car 1 month. I feel like a cat with a dangling toy in front of her. Just as I get to enjoy it, someone yanks it from my reach and has a really hardy laugh at my expense. I know that's not the right way to think. But I was just getting to enjoy my car and feeling really good about myself and my future. I can't stop cursing God and crying. WHY? Of course, I am grateful I was not seriously injured or hurt anyone else. I know things could have been a lot worse. But now I'm back to depending on others again, and I hated that so much. If God truly has a higher purpose for me, what the hell could it be? To lose everything I've worked so hard to get? My freedom and independence?  Self-esteem and confidence? Hope for the future? The crazy thing is, nobody knows what actually happened. Not me, not the state trooper, the witness, nobody! People just keep telling me to pray. All I do is pray. And look where it got me?