I am really having a bad day and it's still early. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. Don't know where to put all my stuff. As I unpack and place, little by little, I don't feel like I'm making any progress. This time of year is bad for me, and for a lot of people. But my anxiety is so bad  that I feel like I'm having a heart attack! It's so scary. I literally have to stop what I'm doing and sit down. I have to grab a pillow and hug it tight to feel like I am not coming apart. Anybody out there get anxiety this bad, besides me??? And, once again, hubby is pushing my buttons by his last e-mail to me, weeks ago. He said he was coming down from PA to LA mid. Dec. Well, it's here and so far, no hubby. Not that I'm looking forward to seeing him. On the contrary, I wish NOT to see him or have to deal with him in any way, shape, or form. My friends tell me he's just trying to scare me again, by telling me he's coming here. This is the third time he was to come to Louisiana, and so far, has not made it. It makes me angry, and I don't want to be angry with him anymore than I already am. I'm trying so hard to move on from my feelings. I don't know if I still love him. I know that I'm not in love with him. I don't wish him harm, but I can't stay with him anymore. He's not the man I married. I have to move on and make a better life for myself. From his e-mails, it doesn't sound like he's moved on at all. He's still bitter, angry and resentful. Full of hate. I can't be that way, esp. if I am to stay sober. And even though, I'm going through this divorce, I'm lonely. I hate it. I don't have anyone to share my day with when I come home from work.