I just got a call from the Legal Aid lawyer about my divorce. Seems my husband has signed the papers and now we are ready to go to court to make it official. A lot of emotions going on. First of all, the holidays are a bad time for me. I always get depressed. I don't have  children to see it through their eyes. And now, this year, I have nobody special to share it with. Don't get me wrong. I'm not so much complaining because I'm better off alone than spending it being miserable and unhappy with a man who is also miserable and unhappy. A lot less stress, anxiety, and tension in my life. But it has been rather lonely for me living on my own. It's great, but when I come home, there's no one to share my day with. I do have my dog, Rocky. And he is a source of comfort for me. A great source of enjoyment and comfort. But it's not the same. Over the Thanksgiving holidays, I've had some time off from work, which was great. I needed some time to rest and enjoy my home. But it's also been very emotional. I've been crying a lot. Remembering past holidays when my grandmother was still alive. And I've been moving more things around my place, trying to get more settled and coming across old pictures of family and high school friends. Childhood friends and past photos of Matt and I. Too many memories flooding in all at one time and overwhelming me. Now Christmas is around the corner. Another bad holiday for me, plus the finality of my divorce and closing another chapter in my life. A lot of fear sets in also. Always full of fear. But these days, I have more faith than fear. Even if it is just a small as a mustard seed. That's all that is required, anyway. Just a seed. I just can't seem to turn off the waterworks. I can't go around crying all the time, esp. in public. I hope nobody really watches those video tapes from the bank and sees me crying my eyes out on them. That would be embarrasing if any of my bosses would tell me about that. They might think I was nuts. Well, I gotta go to. Time to walk Rocky and back to work this afternoon. Wish me luck and please say prayers for me. Thanks. Hope all my friends out there have a good day today.