I don' know what's going on with me. I just woke up, 4:20 am, crying after dreaming all sorts of things. Don't really recall what it was all about. I guess after 5 or 6 weeks now that I've been in my very own place, it's really starting to sink in that I'm truly on my own. Now fear is starting to set in. I have no one to take care of me, but me. I love my new-found independence, but it does have drawbacks. I don't have anyone to answer to when I come home, but then again, I don't have anyone to share my day with either. It's times like these that I really miss my dad a lot. He died 10 years ago. He was a recovering alcoholic as well and struggled just like I did. He was not quite 2 years sober when he passed away. I remember when I got my 2 year AA chip. I cried like a baby because I really wished my dad were there to see me. I know my dad would have really understood what that meant to me. My mom doesn't really understand my sobriety. Heck, my mom doesn't really understand me. It was nice Sunday. My brother and I went to an AA meeting together. He just came out of treatment and he's struggling with his demons as well. My mom mentioned her wanting to move in with me so I could take care of her, cook for her, etc. I told her no way. I just got on my own and I've lived more than enough years with her that I need to be on my own. I need to learn how to take care of myself. She gets a social security check. I told her to get her own place. Where I live, the rent goes by your income. I asked her how was I suppose to take care of her when I'm out there working and earning my income to support myself and all she has to do is check the mail for her income. My life is full right now. Full in the sense that my job is priority along with my sobriety. I have my dog with me and that's all I can handle. I'm strong enough today to be able to stand up to my mom and tell her know. I would be going back if I let my mom live with me. My friends in recovery agreed. They told me it would be a matter of time before I would start drinking again. And Lord knows I don't need that. My mom is much too eager to control my life. I'm already divorcing one control freak. I can't divorce my mom, but I can keep her at bay. And right now, even though I'm lonely, the only man I need in my life right now is God. I'm scared to death, but I'm a lot happier than I've been in a long time.